Measure Of A Man...

The others had left the village but he decided to stay put. “They are going to kill us all, we should depart right now.” The village chief said to him. He replied, “She is coming, I know she will be here.” The chief could not change his stubborn mind. He tried his best to tell him that it was pointless to put one’s life just to wait for someone he loved to turn up. The chief was the last to leave the village to escape from the invading barbarians.

The man waited for her by the lake. He was certain that she would be with him no matter what happened. He began to drown himself in deep thoughts while waiting for her. He remembered the time when he first met her face to face. She was painting picturesque scenery of the lake one evening. He watched her from a distance, noticing her delicate hands decorating the canvas with so much passion and tenderness. He approached her and said, “Hi, my name…” She snapped, “I know.” He was puzzled. She placed the brush on the palette and put them aside. She began, “You are always here when I’m around. I was beginning to wonder when you would come up to me to introduce yourself.” He smiled in embarrassment. She too replied him with a rosy blush. Their first meeting was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, it started with a smile.

They met again several times and each time, they got closer. They started to open up and shared their life experiences. Every conversation was filled with joy and laughter and ended with a feeling of lost when they had to leave. But the following day, the cycle kept repeating till a point of time. She was on the verge completing her painting when he was leaving. He walked away after saying a simple farewell. She turned around as she watched him slowly fading from her sight, leaving his footprints on the sandy ground. She rose from her seat and called out, “Please, don’t leave…” He hesitated and froze. By then, she was already behind him. He could see her shadow, standing still behind his back and gave a final turnaround. They stood motionless for a moment as they looked at each other once again. “Please, don’t leave me here.” She pleaded again. “I won’t.” He said almost immediately. They ended that solemn dusk with a comforting hug. He held her tight in his arms so that she could hear his heart beating at a frenzy pace. It gave her a sense of security and warmth that she would never want to let go of. “I will be there for you if you should ever need me by your side, I promise.” He whispered in her ear.

Time flew as if no one cared. However, for them every minute they were apart seemed like a lifetime. And when they were together, they refused to let any moment slipped away. This time, they were alone by the placid lake, undisturbed by the commotion at the heart of the village. She willingly rested her head on his shoulder and let her feelings drift. That look in her eyes and the sound of her laugh made him decide that she was the one for him. Sunset over the distance warmed the evening once again, the waters reflected orange, lucid rays. He told her, “You know something, this argument between your village and mine seemed to escalate faster than I had anticipated. I wonder if…” She suddenly interrupted, “Shhh. We will run away together if we have to. For now, just let’s just leave things as they are.” The long wait had blossomed into a kiss. Perhaps this was what they called as love.

Relationship between their villages turned sour and it looked as if nothing was going to change the fact that they were eyeing for war to solve their dispute. No one was allowed to have contact with the opposing village dwellers, let alone leaving the village. They did not visit the lake after that. And now, he put his life on the gallows by waiting for her by the lake. He regained his consciousness from his retrospection when he heard footsteps resonating from afar. It was her. She did not leave him and so did he. She leapt into his arms with tears flowing from her eyes. Three months of separation was overwhelming for them. The feeling of lost and loneliness was instantly dissipated into thin air. Time and distance had made their love stronger for every passing day. “You did not leave me just like you promised.” She cried. “I always keep my promise.” He responded.

This bliss however was short-lived. Danger was still lurking. “We have to leave now, there is not much time left before they hunt us all down. We are the last ones.” He exclaimed. Just before he began to run, pulling her hand, she stood still, rooted to the ground. “Will we be back here?” She asked. He paused for a minute. He answered in a saddened voice, “Someday, we will walk this road again, we will breathe its fresh air, we will.” Little that he knew, the evening was the last sunset they would ever saw. The soldier appeared with their pointed bayonets. They cornered them to the edge of the lake. The barbaric soldiers did not care who they were. Those bloodthirsty beasts would not be satisfied till they created a haven of carnage. They thrust their bayonet at their abdomens. He held her hand tightly and said, “Stay close to me, I will never let go of you.” They trotted forward again and stabbed them with great force that they were thrown into the lake. Screams of pain was echoing throughout the village, cold, red blood gushed out, over-pouring the lake waters. The water turned red immediately. His arms were wrapped around her as they tumbled into the deeper waters. Water entered their nostrils, blocking the passage for breathing. With much blood lost, they were too weak to get themselves out of the silent blue.

As such, their bodies continue to rapidly descend deeper. Flashbacks electrified his mind, playing the scenes when they were together, just like a roll of film showing a slideshow. He made sure his arms locked her so that she would not be carried away by the current. To her, spending her last minutes in his arms was worth waiting for. They reached the bottom of the lake, resting peacefully till they were deprived of oxygen. And so their tale ended in tragedy. Although this was what they called fate, fate too decided to allow them to perish together in death. Perhaps ‘till death do us part’ may not be proper anymore because who knows, fate might just create another opportunity for them to be together in the afterlife.

This story is inspired by “Measure of a Man” by Clay Aiken.

Grand Finale...

The arm of the clock pointed to seven sharp. The evening looked gloomy that day with grey clouds decorating the azure sky. He was comfortably sitting at home, all dressed up in black and white. He donned his father’s black Versace suit and checked himself in the mirror before he headed for the evening ball. With shoes polished and outfit neat and clean, he was certain that he looked proper for the formal occasion. To him, this event was meant to mark the end of his legacy so that the future generation can take over his position and reach out to greater heights. He felt it was time to let his juniors shine like stars lighting up the night.

He arrived fifteen minutes ahead of scheduled time. He met his friends who were in the same boat as he was. Smartly dressed with ties, dark colours on their clothes were the haute couture for the evening. The ladies were splendid in black. Elegance if he could call it. Teenagers were transformed into young adults just by looking at their dress code. This was what he had always dreamed of, seeing people around him grow up to be fine-looking ladies and gentlemen. He waited for the invitation to proceed to the hall where the main event was about to begin. As he waited, he noticed the girl who he had asked to dance with earlier on. Should opportunity arrive; he would gladly take her hand and bring her to the dance floor. He decided to wait for the right time for the moment to come in his way.

Later, together with his friends, he walked into the chilling hall where everyone was patiently waiting. The candles placed on the hall front brought about a serene ambience. As they walked further, other guests stood up and applauded for their arrival. Roaring applause and cheers filled the room, lifting everybody’s spirits high. He sat by the dining table reserved for him and his fellow merry young men and women. The guests of honour came shortly were warmly welcomed by the audience. One of them made the first speech of the evening. She featured the history of peer support leaders of temasek secondary school and thanking every single one of the graduating students for their selfless contribution to the school. Such was her speech, accompanied by words of encouragement and praises because this evening was meant for them.

The event started off with a formal dining. The buffet styled dinner was perfect for the occasion. Food served was simply mouth watering and the taste, simply heavenly. He grabbed some food and returned to his seat. He proposed a toast at the dining table after which they began to nimble on the dinner. They discussed about the future peer support leaders, the farewell party and of course, the food. Then, the emcees made a sudden announcement after most of the guests had finished their food. It was time to reveal the best dressed male and female icon for the evening. He was startled. Four names were called out, two from each gender. They were paired up to dance together with more than forty pairs of eyes watching intently on their every move. His name was called out. His partner was not the girl he had asked earlier. He stepped up to the challenge anyway, not wanting to spoil the mood. He was determined to overcome the two left feet he had. His partner was a professional dancer. To him this was tough considering that she had experience while he had none.

He took her hand and made his way to the centre of the hall with spotlight shining over them. He placed his hand around her waist while the other holding her hand. Her arm was resting on his shoulder and with this they were ready to dance. The soft music started to play, gradually amplified so that the whole hall could enjoy this mini performance. Stunning cheers could be heard across the hall as they made their first dance steps. As the dance progressed, she began to take the liberty to lead; after all she was a natural dancer. All he could do was to follow her lead and made sure that he made no mistake. Though being raw and inexperienced, he got everything under control. Cheers lasted for a few minutes, ending only when the dance was over. Then, the guest cheered on again. This was his first dance with a girl with an audience around to see them sway and spin. Being the centre of attention, the pressure was piling up. How glad he truly was when the dance was finally over without any mishap. However, deep inside, he felt regretful that he had missed his only opportunity to dance with the girl he would like to dance with. All for the sake that his dance partner would not lose face in front of so many if he refused to perform with her. He gave up his desire so that everyone could remain jubilant even though he had waited for this chance, and when it came it slipped right through his fingers. Coincidental one might say but he knew everything happened for a reason.

The solemn ceremony began soon after. It was a memoir, a presentation displaying pictures dated years back. This was followed by the chairman’s speech. She spoke spontaneously. She described that peer support leaders are a big group, making a family out of different people with different talents to achieve a purpose. She only hoped that the legacy she had made will be passed on to the future, promising leaders and that this committed family members will forever be one, undivided regardless of differences. She cried after delivering her speech because her wonderful and fulfilling journey as a peer support leader had to come to an end. So did every graduating students and him. Her speech made him moved in a way, making him realize that he had to go no matter how much he wanted to stay close to his second family, to his committee, to his ever-smiling, supportive juniors who believed in him and to the people he regarded as more than just friends. This is a reality that every senior faced, young or old; that the final test of a leader is that he left behind in his juniors, the conviction and the will to carry on with or without him.

The ceremony of lighting the candles soon started. It symbolized the passing of authority to the next generation. The whole audience quietened down. Next up was the presentation of a token of appreciation for every graduating peer support leader. Name by name was called. His name was then called. He rose from the comfort of his chair and an abrupt, thunderous cheer was showered upon him till he received the certificate of appreciation from one of the guests of honour. Never had he imagined that he would receive such heartwarming response. All he could do was raise his hand in the air, a sign of thanking them. Pride was all he held on to as the certificate was handed to him. When he first walked into the school hall for the first time, he had never thought that his last year spent in this school would involve being recognized by the school for the effort he put into this leadership group. This would always be a significant and touching experience for him throughout his whole life. This was his grand finale.

Soon after, the newly elected chairman made his speech in three different languages, English, Malay and Chinese. This was a very entertaining segment for the audience because he was not able to speak Chinese. Nevertheless, plucking up the courage, striving to give his best, he managed to capture everyone’s attention. The audience was extremely delighted when he ended his undoubtedly, unique yet entertaining speech.

The aftermath was all about wild and crazy photo taking session. It was fun. His aim was to share those photos he took with the ones in the pictures. This way, he gave them a part of himself and they gave a part of themselves to him. It was the invisible network of companionship which could only be felt with heart. The joy of youth being teenagers should be spent in this way. This was the part and parcel of growing up one should not miss because once he missed it, he would never experience another. This was the grand finale he had ever wanted, to walk in with a good name and to walk out, leaving behind a good name and footprints in others’ lives. And for girl he had missed the chance to dance with, it would only be fair if one day, they could have eyes on them, dancing in the moonlight, just like in this ceremony so that he could make it up to her as well as keep his word.

This story is based on a real account. The author wants to thank the peer support leaders who certainly had changed his life in a more positive light. He hopes that through this story, every peer support leader will experience such heartwarming feeling when he or she finally graduates from the school as a peer support leader, lifting the school reputation soaring. All the best for the future of Temasek Secondary Peer Support Leaders!

Special thanks to:
Adam, Erni, Shamsydar, Izzati, Nuriman, Florence, Jovita, Ryan, Abishek, Anavil, Michele, Anand, Ruo Ning, Anthony, Aleem, Nikita, Xinyi, Huiwen jr & James.

Not forgetting:
Mr Oh, Ms Lee, Mdm Wan, AV crew, Sec 2 PSL, Sec 3 PSL, Sec 4 PSL, Sec 5 PSL, Shuyu, Firdaus, Caroline, Cheryl, Eric, Wen Bin, Michelle & Marcus for making this event a meaningful one for the author.

This story was inspired by “I Knew I Loved You” by Savage Garden.

Love Will Find Its Way...

The time has finally come, it was abrupt but both of them must have known that it was now or never. They have been friends for five even years. Feelings did develop ever since they met but neither was ready to express them. And so they waited, they kept their feelings deep inside. Their friends tried every means to get them together but all of them were unfruitful. It all started at the school bus stop. He was waiting anxiously for the bus to come. When it arrived, she appeared and got in his way. Knowing that she was his classmate, he let her board the bus first, he thought that he should behave as a gentleman even though he was just a tender, thirteen year old boy. Things developed ever since. In classroom, he would look her from his seat. Though he sat right behind her, never did once they had a good chat or a simple ‘hi’. The boy thought that it was all his infatuation. But his perception changed after a trip downtown.

The class went on a field trip. One of his friends told him that someone had a crush on him. First person he thought was her. However, he began to doubt the news. He noticed her from afar and true enough she was not smiling. In fact, she looked sad. From there, he knew that someone else was into him. But he asked himself, why she appeared down; there is no reason for her to feel that way if there was nothing going on between them.

There was a time when she tried to talk to him, to socialize perhaps. But he walked away briskly. He thought to himself that if he were to talk to her, he might end up blurting out what he felt towards her. In her mind, his ignorance towards her equates to dislike. Time went by, he noticed her many times waiting for the bus home and he would lean against a cross-stitched fence, watching her from afar. He did not care if she even bothered to see him or not. He thought that if she saw him, at least he got noticed, if she did not, maybe she just did not know he was there all along. And of course, they rarely talked though months have passed. He knew that the end of the month was her birthday and he got this reliable information from a guy who shared the same birthday as her. On her birthday, the class sang a birthday song to her. And he did give her a present and a simple birthday card. Plucking up courage to give a girl who he rarely talked to seemed odd to his classmates. And this could only mean one thing, rumours about the two of them.

Their friends would tease them that she liked him or he liked her and sometimes both liked each other discreetly. It spread fast, all thanks to him for daring himself to approach her. And this went on till his birthday. He received a note and a pen from her. In her note, she mentioned that she was thankful for the gift she received and congratulating him for his birthday. He was grateful though he never expected a present on his birthday. After all, how would she know about it? A few days after, the class was made to stay back by the teacher during recess. She talked about relationship, advising the students that this point of time, students’ duty was to study first before having a boy-girl relationship. He wondered if she knew about the strange going-on between him and the girl he liked.

He believed that one day; something might just happen, empowering him to say what he wanted to say. Sadly, that day never came. All he could do was thinking about her, watching her from afar, never took the initiative to do the basics of socializing. Maybe that was what he lacked. All these while, he could write things about her but when it came to speaking up; he just froze. It was his feelings that made words harder to be spoken. He was unable to hide it but he wanted to keep it from her. He feared one thing, rejection. He would rather hurt himself inside living in his own dreams that she probably liked him than finding out that she did not feel what he felt. To her, it may sound stupid and totally ridiculous but that was his character. Introverted, cowardly, childish could be what she thought about him.

To him, stealing a glance or two was enough. Sometimes when they bumped into each other, smiles were carved. No special words were spoken, just a grin and some blushes in their faces. Soon after, they would get away quickly, erasing their tracks so that others would not know. However, one day, he decided to take his chance. He was determined to take her picture, so that he would have a part of her when he returned home. He successfully got what he wanted, a picture of her with her father. He placed it safely in a frame and allowed it to stand on his desktop. His friends were shocked when he approached her father to take a picture. They just never thought that he was bold enough when others would give it a pass. He earned his friends respect from then on.

There was once this classmate of them tried to get in the way between them. She was the daughter of a teacher and he heard that she got a crush on him. He was never interested in her so when she tried to have a chat with him, he would find every means of way to get away as quickly as he could. She was persistent to find ways to talk to him and somehow she got the wrong date of his birthday. So when her gift arrived, it was long overdue. He would sometimes laugh when he recalled how she responded when he told her that she got the wrong date. But the most critical moment was when he heard that the girl he liked no longer had feelings towards him. He guessed that it must have been karma for not talking to her more often. He figured that all she wanted was to get to know each other better but the wait proved to be too long.

Another event was when another classmate of theirs had a rather, easy-going conversation with her. He would talk as if no one was watching and joked around to amuse her. It was his rival ever since he enrolled into the school. His rival topped the class annually and he had never got closer to beating him academically. To him, this rivalry was no longer about academic performance but also included getting her attention. But what could he do, just by watching them laughing away from afar, the rumour of her having lost the feeling seemed to be more vivid. Perhaps he was kind of envious that he had never had such a friendly conversation with her all these while. His friends told him that it was just a conversation and he would soon get over it. And he did, somehow as he just ignoring what was right in front of his eyes.

What she did not know was one of his friends actually took the trouble to draw a portrait of her. He too was infatuated. Right after recess, he would sit a distance away from her and with him was his trusted pencil and eraser which he thought would create a masterpiece of her portrait. He truly felt so useless. This guy was not even good with his art and yet was giving his best to draw her and what he was doing made him think that he had actually never done anything special to her. There was once he wanted to buy a flower for her but he held back. All because a part of him was telling him that it would make the two of them feel so embarrassed that they would never be able to face the class anymore if he were to hand the flower right in front of the class on the last day of their primary school days. Although the impact if he really did that would certainly change the course of their future for the better, he just could not bear to put her in a spot to willingly accept the farewell gift. That day, the class took a final class photo which he still kept till today.

He recalled those days when he had time luxury of time to talk to her on several occasion but let them slipped away right through his fingers. How he regretted that. He was determined to change his old ways and start to grow up, stop living in his own world and to step forward and venture to the unknown.

End of the year came and both of them made it to the school of their choice. But, that was when the road started to split. He thought that it was all over, he had wasted so many opportunities to say what his heart wanted to. However, the unexpected happened, time and again after going on their separate ways, they would meet once in a blue moon. To him, it was something he could never think of. Is the world that small? Time flew. He was more open this time, at least able to talk to her. She grew up as well, learnt to treat him just like a friend. He knew that she treated him so differently compared to when she talked to her friends. At times, he would email to her or chat online. He made her laugh, smile, feel curious and more. He even tried to win her heart slowly though it was sometimes too obvious. He had always thought that perhaps only words can reach her. Through words, he made dreams come alive, made feelings known and made her somehow feel attracted to him in one way or another. It was just his thoughts and not reality. In reality, he never knew what she was really thinking. It could be that she was just pretending or did not care at all. She could be just toying with his heart or slowly telling him to give it up. He only believed that she was being honest when she said things either good or bad about him and herself. He trusted his instinct that she would one day felt what he felt. Such was his mere, random thoughts that made him believe in himself that he should keep going. They once promised to tell each other what they felt the next time they were face to face. This time he was confident that they were more than friends, something more than friends which he could not express.

That day came a few years later. They chatted as he walked her home one night. Discussed about life, school, future goals but one topic that hinted him that it was time was relationship. He did not know what made her suddenly asked him about it because all these while never had she come up to discuss about the most sensitive subject for teens. Perhaps she thought that it was his due time; time to let everything go after holding on to keep things sweet and simple as more than friends for so long. She wanted to know the truth and tell her his side of the story. Just before she stepped on her doorstep, he confessed. He told her that all about him liking her since those childhood days were true. He told her that all those gifts he gave were not tools to make her fall for him. They were given because he just wanted to willingly present someone a part of himself. He told her everything. He confessed his feelings that he held on dear to all these while to her. It must have been pressurizing for her to finally learn everything she had to know. She remained silent for some time, allowing time to stand still after hearing what his heart had wanted to express to her. She plucked up courage to tell him what she wanted to say, just like she promised to him. She said, “Don’t wait for me.” Those four simple words were enough to numb his heart and slowly piercing right into his weakest spot. He asked himself, “So, is this what she has been trying to say? Could she have been pretending all these while? Is she telling the truth? Is she really listening to her heart or has her mind dominated her feelings? Perhaps she wants to end it this way? But why did she say that?” His heart did tear apart just like that. But no matter how tried to appear strong, deep down he was bleeding to the core. He just did not expect the worst case scenario. What happened to those laughs, smiles and blushes? Were all of those fake? Five years he was kept in the dark only to be told to quit. He was out of words to reply. At last he said, “Alright” with hopes dashed within that short moment. To her, she might think that he must have got the idea and seemed to follow her desire. But in actual fact, he was felt something was amiss.

“Why would it take her so difficult to say that? Could it be that she did not want to hurt me directly? But how can that be, what is wrong with her? Shouldn’t this end up in a positive light?” he continued to question himself. He asked her to look him right deep into his eyes and tell him that she wanted him out of her life. But she could not bring herself to do it. She must have felt guilt that it brought her so much pain to say it. She tried to appear strong but in his mind, he kept holding on to believe that what she said was never true. He thought that she would probably regretted saying that and would drown herself in her tears as she closed the door, slowly fading him from her sight. It looked as if it was not meant to be another fairy tale happy ending in reality. He finally understood the pain. He left after fetching her home through the halcyon of the hurtful night. One question remained, was it really what her heart that wanted to tell him that he was never had a special place in corner of her heart?

The following night he visited her again. Just like the day before, she appeared cold without warmth. He looked at her and told her, “About yesterday night, you told me not to wait for you. It must have been difficult for you. One thing I learn, if I have to wait for you for another hundred years, I’ll wait…” She remained silent, not knowing what to say. He thought that she probably was thinking something like, “Why are you doing this to me? Why can’t you understand? Why won’t you leave? Didn’t you hear what I said yesterday? Are you serious?” He told her, “If you have something to say right now, just say it; just let your heart say it.” But she did not reply. After waiting for some time, killing time in silence, he thought that maybe she really cannot give him the feeling that he gave her. He told her that he shall take his leave since he thought she probably has made up her mind. In his heart, he had hoped she would change her mind as he walked away. Instead she shouted, “All the best.” If only he understood what she meant. If only she knew about the message he left behind on the photo he had always dreamed of, to be captured in the same frame with her, just the two of them. He could not help but to walk away, hiding his tears so that she could walk away without having to worry about him. Though he picked himself up on his way home, the scar remained. Could this be the end of the road?

Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, maybe it will never happen. But he knew that somewhere in her heart, she was aching as she watched him leave, slowly fading away, just like the sun setting on the distant horizon, over the ocean. Like the one he had pictured his mind, if only there was an opportunity to spend an evening by the beach with her, watching the sun sending its beautiful rays on the water surface, reflecting a kaleidoscope. That picturesque would certainly make the words he wanted to say more meaningful, more alive as he looked right deep into her sparkling pair of eyes. Maybe the time will come, not tomorrow, not the day after, maybe they have to wait for another hundred years when love has found its way and crossed their fate, to be part of their lives.

Love is a beautiful feeling, but it cannot be forced. Love needs time and maybe this is not the time yet. Love will find its way through time and time only; that was why he would wait till the end of time if he had to. “If I have to wait for another hundred years, I’ll wait for you…” as the words lingered in his ears.

This story was inspired by “More Than Words” by BBmak.