Drifting In Its Melodies...

Looks like it is already December again. Time really flies, doesn't it? As you might have known, I have been back from my holidays about more than a week ago yet it took me this long to be writing again. Perhaps, what I wanted to say about my holidays have been adequately summarized my brother. If you want to take a look, here is his address. www.edmosphere.blogspot.com. You will find his way of writing very different from what I would have written but nevertheless, I guess there won't be much of a difference anyway.

Been occupied with my 'duties', participating in some events. We had a handicraft day and a pre-Christmas celebration recently. The former went well I think. Managing children can be tough. Now, I understand why my GP teacher said she would never want to be a kindergarten teacher. Even with my own experience managing primary school children, in this handicraft event, I was totally beaten hands down. Despite this, I think we have done what we could have done to make the event a success. That alone is a huge relief.

The latter event was messy but well done. I guess there is no way to prevent the 'messy' part especially when hundreds of people flocked into a regular-sized hall about three badminton courts in width and length. I was quite taken aback by the organizers of this event. Why? Because it seemed that I was pleased with what they came up with, after all, I had not been much of a help then. They bought the beautiful decorations, the cute prizes and all. To top it all, everyone was well occupied to attend to the massive number of visitors and guests. Maybe, this is what they call 'teamwork'. The aftermath, well, of course, we were exhausted and out of gas. But it has been fun.

A few months back, I have been feeling somewhat 'different'. Not because of the tiring events or busy schedule. I felt as if everyone should just let me drift away. I feel kind of bad that people try to include me when I'm the one who is excluding myself from them. Too introverted? Too unexpressive? Too cold? I don't know... I don't think there are people who can put up with what I have been going through. Maybe, I'm just used to being lonely. Or just used to having a few people around. Maybe, I cannot give the kind of friendship others provide. Maybe, I don't know how to love people enough. And so, I will eventually hurt them in small ways or another. So, I always keep my distance... even though I may like that person and want their company. Therefore, I think everyone should just let me drift away...with the songs and melodies ringing in my ears, in my deep thoughts so that they won't be hurt. Loneliness can be comforting and hurting at the same time, just like those songs I love listening to...

I had a friend who tried to cheer me up with her words of encouragement penned on a little slip of paper. She would have thought I have thrown it away but I still have it nicely folded and safe. I could not express it to her what I'm going through and I knew, it must have been hurtful to see someone who was once a friend, ignoring, not talking to each other again. If I recalled correctly, she sent me a message that she would still be a friend to me although we hardly talk. I recalled her 'smiley faces' drawn on my notes, the laughters we had, the days we were friends... Those days that I could never go back to. I don't think she will ever understand why I'm being this way. And I deeply regret that I won't be able to bring myself to being a friend I was once to her. I don't think I can ever say this straight in her face because it will hurt her even more. I guess this kind of friendship is difficult to understand. But it is alright, I will brave the storm even though I'm hurting inside too.

I guess the meaning of my name "protector", has something to do with what I'm experiencing. If my hurt can protect or keep those dear to me, then it is worth being hurt. Just like in my primary school years, there was once I ended up being hurt by many for the sake of a friend. I rather not talk about it though.

This song,"I Think I Love You" is one of those that gives me comfort and hurt too. And I'm drifting in it...so let me drift away...

Operation Dodo Bird...

Secluded from the age of modern civilization, a new dawn of war was looming as the sun began to set. Generals began to strategize. Liutenants began to gather the troops. Captains began to prepare their war speeches. It was no ordinary war, it was a war of survival. Staying alive was the main priority but in order to do so, one cannot simply sit back and defend the base. But our hands are our only weapons so many have to rethink on how to stay alive safe from enemy's clutches. I knew my choice. I have to advance, keep moving forward, even if I might fall later at least I will be remembered as a war hero. Of course, I would never think of moving forward recklessly. My tactic was called espionage also known as spy-infiltration.

So I started out with about 10 people in my squad. We set off at the siren's shrill hail in the middle of the night. Armed with torchlight, we paved our way to the grasslands. Enemy's fast approach made me seperate from the main squad. I decided to look for another way, advancing stealthily on nearby hill, undetected by the main opposition batalion. My other squad members will hold them out while we proceed to rescue our hostage. Alongside me, a female private and a sharpshooter. Our objective is to get our shooter to rescue the hostage but as we went deeper into enemy's territory we were caught. With our identities exposed, we had little chance to escape. In the end, my squad perished. Somehow, I survived the ambush and escaped notice fro mthe enemy's rear guard. I was close to the place where the hostage was being held. So, here comes my espionage mission. Act normally, turn off the torchlight and walk past the off limits. Once the enemy's rear guard is down, I pushed myself into the area where the hostage was held captive. At last, I was able to rescue our hostage, Elmo from the Sesame Street.

Alright, time to set things straight. I was in this mission called Operation Dodo Bird, a war game held for CCA leaders of ACJC. We were divided into 2 teams trying to outlast one another while completing several missions. They are rescuing our respective hostages Elmo and Spongebob Squarepants dolls, gathering 'Weapon of Mass Destruction' aka yellow lightsticks, planting the bomb aka alarm clock and many more, not forgetting annihilating oppositions' generals, captains and lieutenants. I was in the search and rescue team by the way. Anyway, let's get back to the war scenario.

Once Elmo was rescued, I was relieved that I had successfully completed the mission. It was time to help the others. Our common battleground was the open field. The frontmen of the 2 teams faced each other. My comrades shouted, "Hold your lines, hold your lines !! ". That was really, war-like atmosphere. War taunts included, "Broken Arrow", "Shogun" and "Cover the right flank". Actually Broken Arrow meant nothing, seriously. It was just blurted out to scare opposition to think that we have additional reinforcements.

It was not long before I was KIA, "Killed In Action", after holding my line on the right flank. My loop of masking tape on my back was torn apart by some guy. His brute force had me pinned down as I was trying to escape. Well, I 'died' and had to make my way to the cemetery. This cemetery is just a space where all the 'wandering ghosts' who died in battle had a common gathering. You bet, we asked how each of us 'died'. One 'died' after tumbling and rolling down, tearing his lifeline accidentally. One 'died' after his lifeline was snapped by a girl. By the way, this guy is my school's rugby captain who was 'killed' by the president of art society who is a girl. Last year, I heard, the rubgy captain was also 'killed' by a girl from choir. Bad luck being rugby captain I guess. Others 'died' due to what we called friendly fire, for those who play Counter Strike (...which I don't...), the term 'friendly fire' would sound very familiar. So, we, the ghosts had to kill time by discussing this things until the time ran out.

When the war ended, my Redforce Team, lost. We had our Elmo captured back and our enemy had our Spongebob. To make things worse, I heard my other search and rescue team defending the base where Spongebob was held captive was 'massacred'. One of our captain stationed there was 'killed' as well despite her well fought frantic escape. On the bright side we lost a lot less soldiers.

Then, there was this funny incident. Remember about 'holding the line area', well the right flank was weakened after I 'died' to the enemy kept pushing on the right while my comrades kept pushing on the left flank. So now, we have rotated 180 degrees, my comrades found themselves on enemy's territories and kind of panicked. The enemy decided to conquer our base after breaking the line. Our general and his body guards had to run for their lives. It was a real scramble. So, my comrades too decided to capture the enemy's general and rushed to break their base's defence line. No more holding the line, no more Broken Arrow, there was only mass scramble and mess. Despite all these running and fighting, we had fun.

Now, I knew the thrill of being part of the war itself. There was this adrenaline rush when your live was at stake. Your mind was always filled with fear of being 'killed' yet your instinct told you to survive at all cost. There was this sense of camaradiere and being brother-in-arms. It was simply exhilirating for me. I could relate this to the picture above.

It was like the Normandy Landing where the allied troops carried out an all out amphibious landing on French shoreline to fight the Germans who had occupied France. It was the greatest invasion in mankind history during World War 2. Many fell to Germans' big guns and artillery but the allied soldiers kept coming. Eventually, Germans used up their limited ammunition and gave up their position as their first line of defence from Great Britain (The English Channel), crumbled. It was a massive loss to the Germans, one of the key reason why Germans lost the war. This incident allowed the allies to attack Germany not only from the East (from Russia), South (from North Africa) but also from the West (from France) . The Germans were cornered with nowhere to escape.

Come to think of it the Normandy Landing looked like our position where we held our lines. Perhaps, our loss was coincidental with historical records.

If there was one thing I really loved about this leadership camp at Jalan Bahtera, it is definitely going to be the Operation Dodo Bird. No doubt it has cleared my doubts on why some people love being a part of a war. It was the thrill when you fired your weapons, the fear of dying, the thought of never being able to see your loved ones again, the sense of accomplishment when you conquer something and the fact that you would be remembered as a war hero if you fell protecting your home. It is so much clearer now. Perhaps war has a purpose compared to the boredom of peace. I am not saying I support war and prefer it than peace. I just feel that despite the gore and painful memories of war, Man may find the reason for their existence in a war. It gives them a goal to set on, to accomplish something great but at a huge cost by altering the peace.

War was never a destiny, it was a choice we make. But sometimes, we should ask ourselves, why we fight and go to war. Perhaps it is our nature to fight. We, humans, fight for our survival everyday. We work to earn more money than the rest because of our nature to survive. And to be frank, fortunately or unfortuntely, money can solve most things on Earth. So I hope, this post has given you some insights on war...

Homebound...

I decided to leave out September for studying so yeah, there goes the missing September archive. September month was not a pleasant one. Stress, acne problem, fatigue, brain drain and time constraints. The list went on further but I guess you know what followed after. But September is gone and past. October arrived faster than I had anticipated. Talk about October, I had always wanted to go to Germany during October. There is some kind of festival called Octoberfest where men and women, go out to have good jugs of beer and hearty meals. I would never walk away from good food where I can feast on one-of-a-kind delicacies at reasonable prices that is.

Currently, feeling bored because my mother is not around. She went overseas but would be back soon. Home alone with my brother, well not the first time this happens. What to do, what to do but to explore parts of Singapore when I'm free. Recently went to Vivocity to have some eye-washing and window shopping because I'm broke. It was like a war zone in there. People swarming in and out, long queues, traffic jams and it was just a matter of time before I'm finally feeling deprived of space and oxygen. Crowded places is fine but when it's overcrowded, I think I'll just pass out next time round. I did have some good eye-washing but it did not really impress me. I have seen better malls, larger ones, more glamourous ones and those which could awe me. One day is not enough to explore one such mall. Vivocity may look modern and stylish but I guess it won't be in my list of top shopping centres due to its narrow walkways on the upper floors.

November looms near and I think I'll be homebound soon. Unsure of exact date, I can only hope I'll not miss on PSL camp, that is if my juniors allow me to come. After all, they are the bosses now and me, just an ex-employee of the company. Purpose of coming down? To have fun...not really. To help out...maybe, if that is necessary. To mingle and socialize a bit with my juniors...could be one of the reason. To benefit something from the camp...possibly, I have definitely gained one or two things from previous camps. To keep me alive...exactly. At least there are things to do rather than rot being potato couch all day long or playing computer games till I get butt cramps. Do inform me if you know the dates alright?

But there are still duties to be done. I cannot just leave. I'll always have some unfinished business to attend to because it's a responsibility. I may have to wait for the right time to have my holiday. There are things I look forward in my trip, good food, cheap prices, some company that friends cannot offer, co-owning my cousin's dog, quality family and relatives time, learning how to drive if possible and watching dvds such as the epic Lord of The Rings trilogy, the Star Wars saga or the Matrix series. Quite common or some may say I'm outdated but hey, I love my old toys and I will continue using them when everyone else threw them away in the dumps due to forces of insatiable consumerism. Humans need to learn to keep their old toys in good conditions, who knows we may need them in the future. Most importantly, it saves money and reduces the amount of garbage we throw. Singapore's landfill will not be able to accomodate the rate we throw our garbage plus incinerating them will worsen the haze problem.

On a more serious note, my break away from Singapore will help me forget the unpleasant things I have been facing. Even if it is only temporary, at the very least I can be a happier person when I'm far away from the source of 'unpleasant things'. I may be able to find inner peace again when I'm around my family and relatives. I may be able to visit places that exist in my memories, those that may have been eroded by time. I may be refreshed from lethargy of JC life. I may be more relaxed and escape from the fast pace of change and modernization in Singapore. Soon enough, I'll be homebound...

Inspired by "Over My Head" by "The Fray".

The Long Awaited Return...

Finally, I stepped foot on the front gates of my dream school once again. The place where I have left many pondering why have turned away from my dream. The place that welcomed me warmly despite my abrupt decision to leave several months ago. The place which still gave me that sense of belonging, that auditorium that had me gasped when I saw its sheer size for the first time. The place whose greenery could always be an escapade for momentary relaxation. The place that had me entrenched in its roots, its spirit, its passion, purpose and drive. It is no wonder why for some like myself still believed that once a TJcian, always a TJcian at heart.

I went alone that fine evening and for some selfish reasons, I thought that I could find answers there. I went past the well kept college grounds, the familiar looking corridors, the very pillars that supported the college all these years and of course, before long, those faces I had once recognized smiled from afar and made me feel at home like once it used to be. It was very prominent for me to get the attention from the 'natives', having worn a rather unfamiliar dress code from the rest. But my intention was not to create a buzz back there, it was more of a long awaited return I have longed for, a reunion perhaps. And as it turned out to be, I managed to get what I came for.

It was then I knew, I have just found an answer to all my doubts and disappointments. I felt lifted up, more spirited, rejuvenated as one might say. To be present among those I have not kept in touch with certainly relived my past. And so, I sat down on one of those grey seats, grinning and brimming with pride as I looked around the auditorium, thinking to myself that this place has not changed one bit. It simply brought back fond memories. The event soon began and everyone sat still in attention. To cut short the event details which I intended to use them for a keepsake and memento, I'm just going to share the last part of the whole event. Before the event ended, the audience stood up with heads up high. I too followed suit. But this time, I decided to put in that extra mile. To be once again singing the college anthem restored my wounded spirit, lifted my burdens, rid me of my fears and most importantly, gave me something to be proud of.

I'm proud of my friends who stood by me, who acknowledged my contributions, who would not forsake me. The least I could do was to stand alongside them, acknowledge thier achievements and not forsake them in return. It was here that I realized that truly, I'm still a TJcian at heart even though having spent only 3 months there. All because I believed in the college; 'Passion, Purpose, Drive'.

If you ask me if I have regrets not staying put back then, I would say no. Because the fact that I was back to where I previously belong to, has already broken the chains of regrets that only the chariots of fire fuelled and uplifted my sunken spirit. No longer adrift, because now, I have a direction to go, I know where I want to be, I know who to place my trust in, I know for sure that I'm on the right track, I know victory awaits because only by being steadfast and valiant to duty true, I'm living a life worth living for and therefore I exist for that very purpose. My return to Temasek Junior College has been a fruitful, meaningful and purposeful one. For that, I thank you, my friends. Thank you for giving me the healing, friendship and warmth that I need in these desperate times...

(in chronological order) I hope I did not miss out anyone...
Dedicated to Soo Hui, Xue Ting, Sherlyn, Shahidah, Farha, Hayden, Michelle, Xingling, Hui Yan, Yik Ka, Chuan Li, Hanling, Si Jing, Yan Shan and Ilyana. Not forgetting Florence though you were not present back then because Xingling reminded me about you.

Inspired by "Better Man" by Robbie Williams.

I Only Have Myself To Rely On...

Some may have noticed why I have not posted for so long. There is a reason why I have waited for this time to write this post. For the past few weeks I have managed to get away from people, just to be alone for a while as I feel the need to. Why? Well, it is because I sometimes feel insecure being around people. I find peace without company and by just taking my time to contemplate helps me to reflect. During this time, I began to observe people around me, as I imagine myself being invisible in front of them. Just by observing the trivial things, I have learnt to open my eyes on issues such as ignorance, betrayal, pride, love, desperation, loyalty, angst and joy. So, I took the initiative to just be quiet to listen to what people say and observe their every move. I did all these to prepare myself for 'this day'.

I realized that I'm doing this to search my inner self. I thought that by 'vanishing', I could make people unaware of my absence. I thought that by being 'mute', I could listen as people reveal their usual self that I tend to ignore. So basically, I was trying to make people forget that I wasn't there all along, that I was invisible, that I was non-existent. You may wonder why? Well, it is something I cannot describe till you decide to give up the feeling of security being noticed by those around you. But one thing I can say through this, it takes great courage to give up conformity to find peace and tranquility in solitude.

It so happen to me that 19 years of living allow me to see the finer details of life. All the good and bad things I encounter every single day. People always say that we have to live interdependently, that no individual can survive by himself. Personally, reliance is a form of complacency but an important factor of trust. However, many only understand the latter more than the former. Thus far, I have relied on myself as best as I could have done. So, when people try to make me feel better when I am feeling down, or when people organize some surprises for me, I feel that I have indirectly relied on them to lift my spirits high. I do feel as if I owe them something for giving me that extra concern and appreciation. Perhaps, that is why I do not look forward to 'this day' while others celebrate it with so much happiness.

Strange as you may call me, it is one of those things that makes people like me and you, different. You look at one angle whilst I look at the other. You define loneliness in a negative light while I make use of it to re-evaluate my very existence. I just have one question for you, "How do you prove we exist?..Maybe we don't exist." Before you answer this question, ponder on every word and come up with a complex, matured explanation.

Just one note as I end this entry, "I only have myself to rely on..."

White, Grey, Black...

Finally, it is complete. The 3 colours that represent the transition of every peer support leader. White. Grey. Black. Upon the end of 2006 Primary 5 camp held at my secondary school, I realized that the very symbols accustomed to each support leader’s evolution are these colours on their T-shirts.

White – bearing the colour of a new beginning of this leadership journey. The very basic and plain colour most should have. In the past, as I don this colour, I experienced something different. The kind of exposure I have never thought I would find by joining this leadership group. It represents my first encounter with my strength and weaknesses of being a leader. Often, I found myself fragile towards criticisms and I have no choice but to accept it.

Grey – bearing the colour of a buffer zone. The point of time when commitment was being questioned. For many, this colour is an exception because they have already chosen their path, to give their all for their newly-found family. But for me, I endured much questions that I, myself created. I find myself asking whether I was good enough to be part of this group. Kept wondering how I got this far and whether I could go on to live up to PSL. Kept searching for my place and role to play in order to not be branded as ‘inactive’ which I eventually overcome, knowing that every little thing I did for PSL would never be a waste, every single things counts, no matter how insignificant. This is also the time when a well-affirmed decision could transform one cocoon into a butterfly. Metamorphosis as one may call it.

Black – bearing the colour of professionalism. The peak of one’s experience is being tested. This is the time where one finds himself realizing why he was part of this family and truly present himself to be the best he can give. For some, the joy of being a PSL was so memorable that he could not bring himself to ignore the good old times that he would do anything to contribute his services for the betterment of the group. For others, it may represent the colour of succession and farewell. But one thing remains unchanged as one puts on this colour, there will be no regrets for having completed this extraordinary journey one could ever get once in his lifetime.

Maybe Caroline was right after all, there are memories so memorable that one will never let go of because it involves who you are, the things you never want to lose. I don’t want to forget the things I have been through all these while, I just can’t seem to willingly let go of my past, being a member of PSL family. Perhaps, I was etched from the start and naturally, I made my decision to come for this camp just to relive those days, those memories that seemed so distant but by being involved in it, simply heartwarming.

The one thing that really moved me was how my previously sec 2 juniors have become today, especially from Proj-teen. I could see they are more united, more bonded, heart and mind alike. I guess the essence of a committee’s success lies on how its members see and feel for one another. Truly, I felt happy for them because they have something that will guarantee the success of their future endeavours. Many words I have left unspoken because I wanted it to be written down like this. I hope with these few words, I could reach out to them.

Next, about the current sec 2 juniors whose names I could recall well not entirely but I managed to memorize them by the end of the 4 days. In random order: Shi Qi, Sarah, Nabilah, Amy, Jeffrey, Sofyan, Jasmine, Hilmi, Dillon, Sze Man, Ming Yang, Edward, Yu Xian, Theresa, Sabilah, Nurhanis, Samuel, Munirah, Atiqah and that is as far I can go, my apologies if I missed out some names. My only hope would be to see you guys be leaders that excel beyond what you think you limit yourselves to. The time will come when you finally realize that PSL is not just about fun and games but also sincere dedication, tireless efforts, service learning, a different breed of leaders from councillors and all about the appreciation of being PSL yourselves. Perhaps, this appreciation too drove me to write this post.

For the executive committee, it was pleasant to see you guys grow and bloom. Indeed, we were not wrong to bring you aboard on captain’s wheel. Overall, magnificent performance, I would have given you a standing ovation if necessary. I found Aleem’s lunch oath very interesting and unique, Anthony’s bumble bee and shark attack hilarious, Xinyi’s enthusiasm never ends till she finally lost her voice, James’ spontaneity and antics amusing and it mirrors himself, Huiwen’s achievement to overcome her once-lost sense of belonging worth applauding for, Khaizal’s background support worth mentioning which contribute to the camp’s success, Ruo Ning’s determination to give all she’s got even at the expense of some personal problems with her brother caused be by the camp worth noticing, Nikita’s absence regrettable, Michele’s efforts for the camp very heartwarming and not forgetting Anand’s competence that simply exemplary. No matter how different you guys are, to me you are all important and worthy to don that meaningful navy-blue blazer next year. And remember that PSL have given you much and when the time comes, you will have to make a choice whether to give back something for PSL. The choice is yours alone.

My role has come to fade away, eroded by time and distance but my heart will always beat the PSL spirit… - William

Inspired by “Home” by Michael Buble.

Operation Handover...

The Law of Nature states that only the fittest survive, the idle and weak perish. The fast shall escape while the slow shall be caught in the predators’ claws. The mighty shall conquer while the powerless shall bow before the former. This is how life works for humans and other living creatures alike. A boyhood friend of mine recently became a victim of the Law of Nature in terms of relationship. He shared his heart-breaking tale with me when his girlfriend went after someone much more superior, much more good looking, much more intelligent, much more athletic, much more affluent, much more of everything than what he has. All I could give was a word of consolation so that he would move on; after all, he only has himself to depend on. You cannot always rely on other party for assurance that they will stick by you especially when something better arises. This is what human nature is all about.

When I reflected on this again, I realized that perhaps greed is the driving force of our very existence. We always wanted the best in everything. We want better crops to harvest the highest yield; we want to be more affluent to satisfy what our heart desires. Human is never content with others, his surroundings and most importantly, himself. And this is how life works for you and for me. Nobody can defy this fact because we are built in such a mechanism to desire more and more. Many whom I have spoken to relate greed as a necessary evil that indeed has saved us from extinction eons ago. And today, we are still driven by it to accomplish our goals, our dreams and our passion.

Sigh, enough talk about all these negativities, it just sounds so demoralizing. But always keep in mind that all these are true and cannot be totally ignored. We just need to adjust ourselves, leaning towards contentment in some other ways, in order to escape from this dark side of ours.

The coming weeks look promising with the primary 5 camp back at Temasek Secondary, the world cup, Chelsea’s signing of world class footballers, Singapore Idol 2 showcase, CCA and not forgetting the term examinations when school reopens. Time really flies, I wonder if the working world moves at a faster speed than now. If that is so, then it is worrying because we have to keep running so that we won’t fall behind. And the only way out is when after all we have done to catch up; age begins to slow us down. Then comes the unpredictable future, throwing all sorts of challenges, barriers we have to overcome, pleasant or unpleasant surprises and at times, miracles or dreams we long for.

As I reflect again, I felt I have been too much involved in this ‘mission’. One which I would call Operation Handover. There are thousands of uncertainties I have to face alone like “will I be able to lead this squadron to victory?”, “will this mission ends up with casualties?”, “can my brother-in-arms work together?” or “at the end of the day, will what I have executed be worthwhile to not only my squadron but also my other comrades?” Being the captain of a band of soldiers is never an easy road. A wrong decision might unintentionally kill the comrade next to him and the whole mission will be in jeopardy. Regrets are the worst form of feeling a leader can think of. I just hope this Operation and the following events bound to come leave no scars of regret etched in my comrades’ memories and mine as well.

Inspired by “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox 20.

Their Unconditional Love...

Everyday, all of us meet people of different faces but how many of us will stop and take a closer look at those around us and ponder why these faces are shown before our very eyes. Today, I met someone special in his own ways. Somehow, when I looked at him, there was a sudden urge for me to observe him in greater detail. Well clad in red t-shirt and a pair of jeans, he looked as if he was an ordinary child. Then, I noticed the small yellow hand towel he held in his right hand. It appeared to me that he could not control his right hand. It kept shaking and vibrating uncontrollably. His short attention span caught my eyes as he perpetually looked restless. His eyes swept from corner to corner as if he was trapped in a different world. It did not take me a minute to realize that this child is autistic. His out-of-the-norm façade confirmed my suspicion.

Standing beside him were his parents. His father was not too concerned with the stares he received by the other commuters. He maintained his cool and stood proudly despite the fact that his son was rather making a nuisance by grabbing his leg. His mother would then pull him gently and treated him as if he could understand every word she said. By this time, his father finally decided to step in. He lowered himself to the boy’s height and lovingly comforted his son. The boy mumbled a few words and hugged him. His father’s reply was to pick him up and let him warp his arms around him and he rested his head on his father’s shoulder. He would then smile at his wife and she too complied.

It was then I realized how much parent loved their child. It must not have been easy to raise a child with autism especially when the society regarded this group of people as outcasts. They could just abort the child when he was an infant to avoid such embarrassment instead, they decided to choose otherwise. This just showed how much they treasure the gift of life even though it was not meant to be a normal child. Furthermore, the very act of affection both of them displayed underlined their desire to accept the way things are and make the best out of it by loving an imperfect person perfectly. Indeed, parents’ love is an unconditional one.

I carved a smile as I watched them from a distance. And it triggered me to express my innermost human feelings, sympathy. The feeling is hard to describe, it is a mixture of melancholy and of peace. How much I wished I could walk to them and said ‘hi’ to their son. It would then a make a difference in their lives. Having been exposed to such sights, it allowed me to appreciate what I have, a decent life, an ordinary life, a normal life that children like them would have wished for.

Inspired by “Because You Live” by Jesse McCartney.

The Misadventures at ACJC...

(front row) : Martin, Wilson, Nabilah.
(middle row) : Lysia, Safiqah, Joy, Faith, Xiao Shi.
(back row) : Adlin, Benjamin, Amy.

It has been quite some time since I have been posted to ACJC and I have been busy ever since. Sincere apologies for those readers out there who want to be updated. Anyway, I am content to say that this college is a vibrant one, all thanks to my classmates whose personalities are so colourful that I am never bored just by listening and talking to them. There are always smiles and laughters as we discuss almost anything under the sun and everything else underground.

If I recalled correctly, during the first few week, my class came up with a popular term called 'scandalous'. I did not know how it all started or who came up with it, it just happened so fast and so infectious as well. There was one occasion where as a class, we asked one another about boy-girl relationship and about who likes who. This is the first time the class was so enthusiastically matchmake people who made up the class. And this went on till today. Nevertheless, I think this allowed us to bond after all about half of the class is from the second intake. Coming to a suprising fact, I was the only guy from the second intake that got into this class.

So anyway, on the 7th April, the class went for The Tempest, a play produced by the ACSian Theatre. We took some photos, bought flowers for Amy who performed in the play and took a video during the interval. Playful, cheerful and full of laughters, that is all I can say about the video footage, starring the names of people mentioned above. Maybe, I should take video more often so that I can relive those sweet memories.

The misadventures at ACJC is not over yet, it is only the beginning and hopefully, it is going to be an illustrious 2 years in this fine institution where there is one particular school rule that amuse me at times, "Let the light pass between you and your 'friend'. No holding hands within the college compound unless the situation forces you to do so."

I would like to end this entry with a poem.

His hardest hue to hold,
in transition; he must be bold,
no matter how hot or cold,
some things are better untold.

'cause as one get old,
the future begins to unfold,
to whom it may be sold,
some things may just turn to gold.

Inspired by "Queen of My Heart" by Westlife.

One Last Tribute...

It is good to have everyone in the snapshot. And I'm glad to be part of it...
There is no word to describe my feelings when I got this photo because it just worth so much to me ...

Something About Them...

in alphabetical order : adeline, bidina, esther, hayden, jin hui, jocelyn, keith, michelle, samuel, sherlyn and yik ka.

Think fun, sun and sands. There is no place in Singapore best describe them other than East Coast Park. 14th March 2006, marked the day that we, as part of the original CG 08/06, simply was out to have some fun from the busy life in junior college bound to come in the coming week.

Some things we did to entertain ourselves were playing soccer, strolling along the beach, having mini picnic, joking around, charades, playing murderer, telling jokes, cycling and many more. Through these activities, we managed to bond, to get to know others, to find the meaning of friendship even though some of us are no longer in the same college. From an individual point of view, this maybe just an ordinary outing but to me, it could be the first and the last time we could meet up and just frolic despite the passing time.

I am glad to be part of this CG, surrounded by people with different yet colorful personalities even though I just barely knew them for less than 3 months. There is something about these people that really make a difference in my life. Maybe, I just discovered where my teenage years truly began. It was not when I turned thirteen but when I met these people whose pace are no different than mine. The beauty and fulfillment of a youth does not lie within being part of the group but through opening up, mutual respect, sharing and bonding for the purpose to have a small yet supportive friends.

If I were to choose between being famous and popular or having a posse, I would rather choose the latter. One can have many followers or fans but not necessarily a group of people who speak with the same tone out of genuine feelings. So, these are some of the friends that I found from early this year. Small in number but strong in spirit and young at heart. These are the people who I may never see again after having spent this short day together and I will definitely miss them all, their wacky antics, their broad smiles, their heartfelt efforts, their footsteps in my heart. Thank you for the smiles once again for one day, I may never be able to see those cheerful, heartwarming curves on your faces for the second time.

Inspired by "Something About You" by "Five For Fighting".

The Successors...

It is almost time for elections again. This time, it is going to be second group of juniors during my former days of a peer support leader. They now have the power to elect from the current executive members to lead the organization and bring them to a new level. This renewal is a form of succession from the previous generation to the next which I find to be the turning point of lives for those who are deserving of filling the posts previously held by some of the best leaders. This change is inevitable and necessary, no matter from which angle you look at it, it has to be carried out.

Here, we have quite a number of candidates who can be called prospective successors. (in random order)

1) Michele
2) Nikita
3) Aleem
4) Xinyi
5) Hui Wen
6) Anand
7) Anthony
8) James
9) Khaizal
10) Ruo Ning

Each of them possesses different strengths which I think they have displayed quite clearly during my batch's reign. My personal opinion of them shall be kept confidential so as not to affect the readers opinion on these candidates. So, for now, I am just going to predict the outcome though I know the reality may prove otherwise.

Chairman: Michele
Vice Chairman 1: Anand
Vice Chairman 2: James
Secretary: Hui Wen
Treasurer: Xinyi
Training Com Head: Ruo Ning
CIP Com Head: Aleem
Proj-teen Head: Nikita
Member 1: Khaizal
Member 2: Anthony

These are just predictions which I can foresee. However, you, as readers should not be influenced by this set of tentative data. Voters are encouraged to stick to your decision on the day of the election itself.

Another group that will be elected will be the Sec 2 PSL executive members. Because I do not know them well enough, I shall not include them in this post. Nevertheless, I wish them all the best.

Just a note of reminder for successful candidates, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Lead by example, be role models and most importantly, be yourself. Be a Peer Support Leader.

Strangers In The Night...

Final Fantasy 8 is a no ordinary role playing game. To me, it invokes so much feelings from the male and female protagonists. I find that one of Final Fantasy 8 main themes can be reflected in this picture and the ol' blue eyes' song, "Strangers in the night". In case you are wondering ol' blue eyes refers to Frank Sinatra, an illustrious singer far back from the past. In short, he might not be recalled by some today but his songs still lives till this era.

This song can be considered very classical, almost ancient perhaps and for that, I'll change the song to something else in the coming week. But for now, just savour every moment and recall those days when you were in love.

To Jocelyn (in case you are reading this) : Believe in your own point of view first before you believe in mine. Because in this matter, I'm on your side and not against you.

Afterglow...

First and foremost, I would like to thank Temasek Junior College for having me to experience the vibrant life it offered for the past 3 months. To my civics group, it has been fun knowing all the diverse personality all of you showed. 3 months might be short but I think we have made the most of it. For those who managed to stay, all the best for your future endevaours. For those who are not able to, always remember there are plenty of undiscovered opportunities waiting for you if only you are willing to move on. When one door closes, it opens another.

For me, it is going to be another adventure or maybe another misadventure being posted to Anglo-Chinese Junior College. I look forward to new opportunities, new challenges, new environment and so much more at ACJC. I cannot say much about ACJC but when I do find out all about it, hopefully, I will find my 2 years at ACJC a meaningful one.

The afterglow of TJC is dimming and it will fade soon. But memories do stay. Today, I would like to bid farewell to all those who I have left behind fortunately or unfortunately. It is here that we depart to new horizons. It is here that we can start afresh. Thank you so much for all the laughters, the smiles, the excitement, the adrenaline rush, the good things in life.

Dedicated to
Ex-temasekians: (in random order) Xue Ting, Chuan Li, Andrea, Caroline.
CG 08/06: (in random order) Keith, Hayden, Jin Hui, Samuel, Chad, Jocelyn, Adeline, Marianne, Talia, Bidina, Yik Ka, Sherlyn, Esther, Sylvia, Hui Lan, Jazreel, Matilda, Vicki, Michelle.

Inspired by "Save Me" by Corinne May.

Lost In Transition...

Sometimes, I find myself in a spot where I have to do things that I am meant to do and not those that I would like to. Since young, I have never thought of becoming a scientist or a researcher, in fact, I have never wanted to get involved in the science career at all. Despite these, here I am in the science stream, just doing my duty as a science stream student. I find the call of duty to be something I am responsible for so I can't just turn away because it is true that qualifications in science stream will ensure a range of faculty in the university.

Through self-evaluation, I feel that I'm more inclined to the arts compared to science. In addition, I do like history, some elements of geography and social studies and such. And this can be reflected vividly with the grade I accomplished for combined humanities. This realization surfaced when I first found out my grades and it bothered me because I knew the extent of difficulty and demands if I chose science subjects.

Yet, I still chose science stream in the end. Why? Simply because I think my future lies not on the things that I want to do but things that I have to. It is not easy being the eldest child and heir to carry on the family name to choose which path to take. I'm somehow find myself in a similar spot as my father when he was around my age. He could have chosen subjects that he loved, mathematics, for his future career, instead he went into finance, banking and management field because he was the eldest son as well as to set the standards for his younger siblings. I believe that he did that because of the job stability and the comparatively rewarding salary to support his family. To him, it was his main priority and nothing else not even his passion is going to change his mind.

So perhaps, I'm meant to venture the path that he had taken before. Sacrificing something you like can be a hard pill to swallow but if other benefits for the sake of the next generation can be reaped, then I guess it is already decided. People say that we can be anything if only we dare to dream and make it happen. But at what expense so long as you are happy with it? Some may comment that I have a rigid and traditional way of thinking but it has been proven time and again that having a career suited to your passion need not necessarily guarantee monetary stability but it does provide life fulfillment. I have got a living and breathing example next to me who had taken the bitter medicine and survived it all so I guess it is just natural to follow that beacon.

In conclusion, this is my duty that I am meant to carry out. It can be a burden for some but to me, this duty is a noble one, because if it is not, then my father would not have accomplished so much to provide for my family. Because of his sacrifice, the next generation is having a better life than he used to have. I can only repay him by lifting the weight off his shoulder when the time comes and placing it on mine till I'm able to pass it on to the next generation. Maybe, this is what continuing the family name is all about, self-sacrifice for the benefit of others...

This is a real account of the author. This account is inspired by "Superhuman Me" by Eternal Loop.

Power...

Power... Am I looking for 'power'?
The O level result is out and I felt powered when I looked at my result slip. It wasn't the best but I knew I have done what I could and so I felt a sense of pride in myself although I knew there were others who did extremely well.

English - B3
Combined Humanities - A1
Mathematics - A1
Additional Mathematics - A2
Physics - B3
Chemistry - A2
Biology - A2
Higher Mother Tongue - B3

L1R5 = 11, Bonus pts = 4
Grand total = 7

Some may argue that it isn't a good grade at all but to me, the value of a person is not measured by how good their grades are, it is measured by their character. The most important thing right now is to wait for the posting result. I don't know if 7 points is enough to get me to where i want to go. But wherever I am going later, I'm just going to do my best. Accept what is already decided for it relfects your limitations and to accept limitations is human.

Here I am... Waiting...

Time... it will not wait. Time... it will keep moving. Time... it will keep us running. Time... it will never be found again once lost. Time... time will tell what should be revealed to us. It is just a matter of time for me, for you and for all of us.

Time... it shall not wait for me. But time is what we are all waiting for.

Time... it will not wait but the time will come when it is supposed to. For now, I can only wait for time will tell eventually so here I am... waiting...

Shadow...

"Hey kid, where are your parents? You should not be out here this late. Go home, kid." the soldier said with a commanding voice. The young boy shook his head and turned away back to his dwelling. As he walked on the cobbled pathway under the streetlights, he noticed his shadow imitating his every move. Curious, he tried waving his hands in the air and jumped around in circles. The shadow followed his actions in the exact same way. He was delighted. He realized that he had just found a friend, a friend who is exactly like him only pitch black and unable to reply his burning questions. Nevertheless, he felt that he was no longer alone and this made him feel a little lighter on the inside.

Back in his dwelling, under a bridge, he neatly prepared his bed made of pieces of cardboard. Before heading to bed, he took out a piece of bread he stole earlier that morning. The lost fragrance of the bread indicated that it was no longer fresh. But who would think twice of consuming it when their stomach was growling and mouth felt so watery. Penniless, the boy considered this plain bread a feast, he thought that at least, it would keep him alive for another day. Before he finished his last bite, he tore a small crumble and placed it on the ground. He noticed a kitten looking at him eating from a distance with its tongue licking its mouth and whiskers repeatedly. He knew it was starving just as he was. His thoughtful deed was repaid when he found the kitten sleeping peacefully beside him. All he could do was to smile.

Still in his tattered clothes, he rose early the following morning to find food for the day. He went around the townsquare to beg for food. Some from the rich simply tossed a penny at him. He would then nod his head as a sign of gratitude. The rich kids who looked at him could not stand his sight that they sometimes made fun of him and ordered him to leave. Powerless and shamed, he would fulfill their unreasonable demands while they threw pebbles at him. He knew his place in the heirachy so he did not fight back. He was not revengeful or took it personal, he just want to stay away from trouble should he see it coming.

After a tiring morning, he would take a rest by the river. There, he laid down facing the blue sky with arms crossed behind his head. He thought how blissful it was if he could live like this every day, away from poverty. When it was time to go, he saw his shadow again. This time, it was noon and his shadow has shrunk. He thought that it was dying so he ran back to the townsquare hoping to find a place where there were many shadows. After a wild search, he finally found the perfect spot, the entrance of the train station with huge pillars supporting the facade of the infrastructure. Huge shadows were cast on the marble floors where commoners passed by bustling with chatters and other incomprehensive noises. The boy stood on one of the pillar's shadow and waited patiently for his shadow to appear. It never did until sundown. He was estatic. He thought he would lose his only companion when he was lonely. At that moment, he finally realized that his life is somewhat similar to his shadow...

The boy lost his parents when he was young. Ever since, he was left all alone in the streets. No one to turn to, he learnt the importance of survival in the streets himself. The faces of violence, poverty and hunger were evident yet he somehow maintained the innocence of a child. Many would wonder how a boy could stay alive in these mean streets filled with the negative images of life. Perhaps it was due to the strokes of luck but there was something in him, different from others who were also in his shoes.

He valued his shadow, an evidence of his very own existence in this world. He could see himself just as a shadow among all the rich and all the people who were more fortunate than him. He was always there but always left unappreciated by those around him. They saw him as an insignificant object of zero importance. So when he saw his own shadow, he wanted to view his shadow as his only companion who would always be there wherever he fell, wherever he cried although it could say nothing at all. The rich and powerful have forsaken their shadows, their humble beginnings and origins. If their shadows decide to leave them in times of desperation, who else can they turn to? How are they going to value their existence? Living without a shadow means that he or she does not even exist in the first place.

This story is inspired by "Unwell" by Matchbox 20.

TJC Orientation...

The past four days spent at Temasek Junior College was a whole full of blast. I have never seen or experience the fusion of energy and thrill like this at this institution. Although this was just an orientation where group bonding was essential, much of it was much more exhilarating, making it all look as if there were other factors than a simple class bonding. Throughout the four days, we hardly had time to catch our breaths simply because there were lots of activities to be part of. Nevertheless, the fun factor still seemed limitless and the best part of all, the students from other schools were very participative and full of enthusiasm thus, we felt as if we were already permanent students of the college.

The most interesting of all the activities was the mass dance. In this exclusive event, every year ones was to master from simple to complex modern dance steps with music as background to liven up the atmosphere till it reached the climax. Dance steps were accompanied by music such as Dhoom, Let’s get it started and S Club party. Using all parts of our body, from head to toe, we had to practice these dance steps within two days as we were performing at Suntec City fountain of wealth in front of the public eyes. Realizing the importance of the performance and so as not to embarrass ourselves, dance masters as well as the two left-footed students toiled to memorize the dance steps. For me, the mass dance had made me for flexible and not too rigid. Overall, the mass dance was really the utmost fun filled activity such that once done, we just could not stop. It was a very addictive activity with positive results as it made all of us to master certain dance steps although we were not natural dancers. Well, at least we had become better at dancing in some ways and that’s awesome.

Next, it was the cheering, stomping and clapping. All these things almost brought down the whole college hall. We were cheering all day long; stomping like no one cared and clapped as if no one listened. When we won, we cheered. When we lost, we also cheered. All because we were all not cheering for achievement but for the enjoyment from the games played or taunting opposing groups. When the students rocked the hall, the floor shook, glass windows almost shattered and the roof was going to tumble on us. Non stop cheering was too evident and was so frequent that it had become a habit. And when we cheered, it sounded almost like a war zone. Like it or not, cheering did raise morale and team spirit.

As for the rest, there were interesting too but if explained, it would take days to complete. It had to be experienced than be written down. Primary source through one’s own experience would make a whole lot of difference than just words. There was no word good enough to describe this college’s magnificent orientation. Through the whole orientation, I had so much fun and excitement although some of which I had rather hidden them in my heart than showing it through crazy and wild actions. To sum up, Temasek Junior College can be a nice place to settle and further my studies if I would be allowed to when the O-level results are out. There would not be other college with so much passion, purpose and drive like Temasek Junior College.

Inspired by "When You Say Nothing At All" by Ronan Keating.