The Girl Who Took My Plate...

The sun had set as evening drew to a close, welcoming a rather cloudy and breezy night. As usual, he was out alone, searching for a place to dine to ‘tame’ the hunger that has run amok in his stomach. There were 2 options that he could choose. First, a well-lit Italian restaurant that radiated a blissful ambience though its windows, employed well-dressed waiters ready to take orders from paying customers and provided quality service for a fine dining experience that was difficult to resist. Second, just tucked across the narrow lane, opposite the grandeur restaurant was a common food court that was not air-conditioned, lacked the modern kitchen electronics and employed common folks of the heartland. As he was about to enter the restaurant, after being greeted by a friendly door lady, he took a glimpse across the street and something or rather someone caught his attention. It was an unusual sight and he wanted to pursue his curiosity by deciding to dine in a less fanciful place, something that he has not done for quite a while.

He approached a stall and ordered his food, a plain Hokkien prawn noodle, sat down, waited while looking around trying to locate the person who caught his attention earlier. Dressed in finely stripped lines of alternating blue and white linen with a matching white bottom half, she appeared after a while. Her glossy, black hair was well-kept and neatly tied. She was clearing up a table that has been left by customers. Her thin arms reached out to the centre of the table and she grabbed pairs of chopsticks holding them with one hand. She then stacked up all cleared plates after dishing away all the leftover food. Not long after, she returned to her stall, placed the plates and cutlery into a bin and returned to her station where she held a marker, writing down orders by new customers. She carefully noted down their orders to make sure that she did not make any mistake. He saw her from afar and smiled to himself as he realized that she was no taller than a normal primary 3 school student. It was a kid, ever so young and innocent, as her father watched her while tending the stall.

She then was asked to deliver a plate to a nearby customer as instructed by her father. With her two small hands, she carried the plate of prawn noodle, walked carefully but gracefully towards the waiting customer and delivered his meal. After which, she skipped her way back to the stall, eagerly waiting for her next task. He found himself ever more curious and continued to watch her as she went from table to table, from customer to customer. There was once he saw her collecting money from a customer, counting every dollar and returned her the change. She would then carve a faint smile and skipped back to her stall. It appeared to him that the lady had given her a small tip for her service. Instead of accepting them, she returned her money, collecting only how much the food cost. Perhaps, it was a genuine gesture to accept what she actually earned rather than taking the extra dollar that could help filled her pocket.

Next, he saw her being called by a couple sitting behind him; they asked her for additional plate and some soy sauce. She returned to her stall and brought along the necessary items, meeting their demands. The couple then chatted with her for a while. He figured that this couple somehow felt pity for the little girl and just wanted to find out more about her. They probably asked her how old she was, which school she was in and how often she worked here in this tiny food court. She replied with short answers with a few nodding and soon she was back helping her father after excusing herself.

He wondered if the girl has been working here since the school holidays started. After all, with more free time in her hand, she could have decided to help out at the stall unlike during school days where students usually were made to complete their homework in order to prepare them for the following day. He thought, unlike other kids her age, she chose to work to help her father instead of staying at home watching television or playing with Barbie dolls. Perhaps, she saw more value in doing what she could do rather than wasting time at home. In his eyes, few kids could and willing to do what she did. She bore no complaints nor defiance, she carried herself with responsibility to do her tasks well without being forced to, she did them all out of her own free will. Now, it was that moment he realized that his curiosity had paid off.

He then noticed her serving a family of seven. She served the two boys in that family who were younger or somewhat about her age, helping to place a plate of prawn noodle and giving out chopsticks. It was awkward enough to see adults being served by some 7-8 year old kid and now, seeing that same kid serving those of her age and younger only made things more bemusing to look at. From that moment, she won him his respect. No longer did he see her as any helpless little girl, he saw her as an extraordinary human being for her age. Any other kid her age would have refused to work in a non air-conditioned place, sweating it out to work and would rather play at home or complained that it was too tiring or embarrassing for them to work publicly. Compared to some spoilt rich kid whose lives revolves by the dollar, driven by the internet or other entertainment devices, this little girl surely has defined her role, no matter how trivial it might appear; she knew that value of every dollar that she earned by helping her father. She showed neither signs of fatigue nor shame because she knew that what she was doing was to help her father to the best of her ability. Such kid is hard to find or even imagine and to him, seeing her in reality was a blessing, a heartwarming experience. It was not pity or the sight of poverty that melted his hardened heart; it was to understand what she was doing that drove him to feel all warm inside.

Before long, she approached him asking in Mandarin with a soft, courteous manner, “May I take your plate?” He gladly let her took his plate away and smiled at her. He noticed her gentle façade, almost believing that she was an angel in disguise with her demure expression. As she walked back towards her stall, he continued placing his eyes on her until it was time to leave. He walked away and watched her slowly fade from the distance. He did not know if he could see her again the next time he visited that food court but he remained positive that he would. This very cycle that has been ongoing in his daily lives might have left unnoticed had he chosen to dine in that restaurant. He would not have seen this little girl who has taught him that it is never too young to work and learn that every dollar earned is derived from every drop of sweat. But most of all, it was not to see this girl as ‘some’ kid he met the other day, but to see this special little girl as a human being who embraces the ordinary life to the fullest.

This post is based on a true account by the author and dedicated to the girl who took his plate of prawn noodle. This post is inspired by “Angel in Disguise” by Corrinne May.

When We Were Young...

The past two days had been tiring for me. It was about helping my juniors to run a day camp for approximately 30 children ranging from primary one to six. And boy, it was not easy to handle children who do not listen. They scream, play, run, fight, ever seeking attention and made our jobs harder than it should be. They grabbed my hand, constantly pulling me. They called my name a million times just so that they can have their voices heard, knowing that I would listen to their exaggerated achievement such as building the 'ultimate' paper glider. They asked me questions that are rather personal like, "Do you have girlfriend?", "Why can't you speak Chinese?" or something like, "Who do you like?". Harmless questions but when they bombard you with them again and again, it can be pretty annoying to repeat or explain my answers. Some just babbled words I could not comprehend, others willingly talked about themselves when they have the chance to. But most of the time, they would just mingle with themselves by 'fighting' as in playing but with fists flying around and ended it with laughters instead of tears.

I thought to myself that maybe kids today are fast changing. If I could describe kids in general in today's era, I would brand them as 'gadget-savvy bunch of dwarves, ever quick to terrorize without regard for others or personal safety, frantically demanding for attention, severely lacking in proper graces that it can drive one into madness just by the shrill of their voices'. Well, it applies mostly for the boys but don't ever count girls out because they too have different set of problems, just that they are less evident. Looking back when I was a kid, I believe I was not as rowdy, perhaps there was a lingering aura of fear that a disciplinarian was around and bound to know my mischief should I misbehave and of course, the consequences of overstepping my boundaries. It seemed that the boundaries today are blurred as kids grow up with a lack of parental discipline, constantly showered with tender loving care, candies and spoilt with all their demands met, thanks to parent's unassuming concern to provide the best for their children.

Maybe kids believe that as they live in their world, everything that they do, will not have much implication to others around them. They are only concerned in fulfilling their self-satisfaction, deriving fun from the process such as 'fighting'. Whatever the case, as parents, they should educate or instill some social graces such as respecting their fellow kids without inflicting pain, keeping quiet when someone is speaking and to give some respect to those older than they are. How? First, by practicing some rules or social graces within family and reminding them when those rules are broken. Second, slowly adapting them to the outside world using the same rules wherever appropiate. And lastly, monitor their progress to find out if they still follow those rules when parents are not looking. In time, it will be easier for the kids to relate such situations with the ongoings of the outside world, apply those rules and who knows, encouraging others to follow suit.

So much mention about the terror of kids nowadays that I think it is only fair that indeed, there are a few who are capable of showing some form of respect and gratitude. In my case, after the camp ended, a girl came to me as others made their way out and she said, "Thank you, 'koko' (not sure if that's the correct word to say brother in Chinese) for the biscuit." The fact that she approached me and thanked me, showed that she was grateful and brave enough to express it when others simply took it for granted. I did not expect to be thanked but that one gesture from her made me write this entry. She was the only one out of the 30 children who actually thanked someone for the effort we put in for this day camp. Now, that is reason enough for me to trust that there is still some form of social grace that kids today can display. It gave me the hope that there will be others just like her and helped me realize that what I did for the camp do make her day more pleasant. Just one biscuit as a consolation prize; hard to fanthom that it could make me smile. But it did...

This post is inspired by "Theme from Dying Young" by Kenny G.

I Have Run The Race...

Surviving 2 years in ACJC was not easy but I'm glad I have run this race and completed the once dreaded A levels. Firstly, I would like to express my utmost gratutide to all the teachers who have taught me these 2 years. They really worked hard to equip me with all the relevant skills and knowledge towards the final examinations. Some offered their listening ear when I encountered obstacles while others taught me with leadership values and a few, just wanted to know me better as a student in the college. It was indeed a pleasure to know that these few people do care about a student's well being, be it academically, emotionally or psychologically. For all that you have done to nurture me into a better student and person, I thank you, teachers.

Secondly, I thought of my classmates. 2 years with them have taught me the good, the bad and the ugly. Really, I have seen them all. It was a rough journey with my class, I didn't get along too well. I have no regrets or whatsoever, and why should I? The decision I made led me to what I am today and I would have chosen the same path if I were to experience it again. I came to ACJC alone and I would leave the college with the same note. So much for the bad and ugly, there were a few bunch who have made my college life more bearable. They provided me with comfort and companionship. Many of whom were from another class and some were my juniors. Although this relationship with them were not very close, at least I helped me carry my burden away. To the people who I can call good friends or acquintances, I can only say a little thank you for making my days a brighter one.

With college life all but over, it is time to gear up for the holidays and the inevitable NS in early January 2008. So I want to make my holiday month a relaxing one such as not having to worry about school or work and to let myself loose a little. But mostly, it's about spending time with my family and to catch up on more 'Z' monster for the 2 years of having to wake up at 4.45am on weekdays so that I won't be late for school. Perhaps some cleaning up and packing of the paperwork I have done in JC would not be a bad idea. In the beginning, I thought I could stack them all up and you know, set it ablaze as to celebrate the end of stressful college life but I guess there will be always someone to stop me from doing such crazy ideas, my mother. I guess I would just stash them all away in the store room if I needed them again in the future.

I hope I can cope with morning trainings, running and other keeping fit methods my mother has been nagging at me. Just yesterday, I went to have some short morning run along East Coast Park and here I am, suffering from all sorts of muscle and joint aches. I can't even sit still while blogging this entry. Hope I can manage this pain and start exercising to regain my fitness in time for the basic military training at Pulau Tekong. Better to suffer now than later, right? I don't know what I can expect there but I will have to overcome them anyway. All those trenches I may have to crawl through, high walls to climb, ropes to swing with, downright mean push ups and pull ups, army food and other kinds of physical 'torture'. Gosh, I can't even imagine what pain I would have to endure. My teacher once said that boys like us will beef up quickly when serving the army but once NS is over, all those muscles or six-packs will be reduced to nothing but flab and excess fat eventually. That is why men, as they age, grow wider as all their muscles slowly push their 'meat' downwards with compliments from gravity. The only way to slow the degradation process is to keep fit which many may face some difficulties trying to do so after all, many would have gone back to university and some start working.

Talk about university, I hope I can make it to a local university. If I can't, to faraway land I will go, seeking approval from other tertiary institutions for admission. Not that I do not want to miss out the opportunity of studying overseas, it's just that why go someplace far if one can afford to enrol into the one of the local universities. Yes, their world rankings might have fallen recently but they are nevertheless, acknowledged institutes by other countries.

I guess, it is time to stop right here. Tired and aching badly, hope better looking days are ahead of me and will be looking forward to christmas. Aah, things are looking fine already when I think about December, the month for relaxation and rejuvenation.

This post is inspired by "Sentimental" by Kenny G.

Filling In The Vacuum...

A well deserved break from blogging is not so bad. Now that I'm back 'temporarily', I just want to list done what I have been doing all these while. Let's begin with June, so it here goes.

A bright morning, started my day. All my luggage was ready, checklist done, passports checked, money is already stuck in my wallet and off I go to Bintan for an overseas CIP with my schoolmates, mostly strangers in the beginning. The expedition was to visit a government school in the village of Sebong Lagoi where my college had established a small library on the previous OCIP trips. Mine was the third / fourth batch to continue this tradition and I was more than glad to be part of this team. Partly because I want to find an escapade from Singapore's busy lifestyle. Spent about a week plus 4 days in total. Five days were dedicated to teach English to Primary 3, 4, 5 and 6 students with a manpower of 19, aided by 2 teachers' supervision. First 2 days were reserved for resting and planning for the final touch-ups and the remaining days we had, we spent it on rejuvenating and exploring what Bintan has in store for us.

Details of what we did in the primary school was classified but the bottom line is that we had fun teaching the children with inclass exercises, some indoor and outside games. My personal experience there helped me to see how it was like in a typical Indonesian government school. Facilities were barely adequate, hygiene was minimally exercised but there was this spark of happiness and contentment in the eyes of the children we taught. Their smiles were heartwarming despite the poor conditions they have to live through everyday, indeed it was an exceptional feeling to see life in that manner. There was once an occassion when it was pouring down heavily and the children were drenched. They made a conscientious effort to clean corridor with brooms to wipe of the wet sands stuck on the cemented floor. And there was this boy who removed his socks and shoes, held them in his hands and went home barefooted after the rain receded. It was then, I realized that the simplest things in life meant so much for them. The wet ground would have soaked his shoes and hastened the wear and tear process.


The next part is about my comrade in arms who have made a difference in this trip. Each has his/her own reasons for participating in this trip but from what I saw, they came not entirely for personal gains. Every night we had sharing sessions that over time, developed into emotional revelations and matured discussions. Following that, we would head back to prepare teaching materials for the next day. In our free time, we would mingle around in table games or watch TV, some returned to their bunkers either to sleep early or to study. That was how we filled each day, maintaining focus when it is the time to and at other times, we are just being humans who need a dose of socialization with those around us. And that kept us closer, getting to know a bit from everyone, after all, each one has their story. Overall, I enjoyed my stay in Bintan, working and playing together, exploring the area without a map and still made it back in one piece, getting to know my teachers in charge and most importantly, it has given me a window to see the world out there, places that give peace and tranquility when I needed them most. For that, I'm glad I went and contribute what I can to make this trip an enriching one for myself, the team and the beneficiaries. Others have their own set of stories, one that involved shedding tears of joy and reluctant farewells, so I shall leave it up to them how they want to explain their experiences.

July, another month, another year. I cannot believe I'm going to be called twentysomething from now on. It just makes me so ... old. Never mind about that. The main highlight was the Installation Ceremony where I finally stepped down from my post. A survivor from a year long of duties that gave me headaches most of the time and smiles as well at times. The present i got from the aftermath was a 'caked face', probably an act of 'revenge' after all I have put them through, now that it all ended, there was no holding back. I have fulfilled what I promised the teachers during the interviews and relieved that they are all done. My job ended here, so were my obligations and my authority, it was a bittersweet moment for me.

August was rather a fast month to fly by so easily. One thing I did was to involve myself at TJC Leo Club Installation, met a friend of mine and bid my final farewell to the place where it all began, my journey into my former CCA in my present college. To summarize the month of September that is almost over, it was alright. Had its ups and downs but overall, I'm alright with it. Nothing much happening, I'm looking forward to the holidays after A levels. Now that I recalled, I visited my secondary school on Teachers' Day, met Mr Oh on the bus one evening so I decided to pay him a visit after the long absence. I met my former fellow PSLs there and unexpectedly, I met some of the exco members who I had long lost touch with. Caroline, Cheryl and Michelle were there and it was good to meet them again. We did not plan to meet, it just so happened that we came on the same day, at the right moment when I was about to head back home. So I stayed a little longer to catch up with them. And thanks for the cinnamon doughnut bought by Caroline and Cheryl.

One last note, I do not know when I will blog again so yeah, I guess only time will tell. I had this dream to go away from all these things and find myself a quiet spot in the corner of this world, where time ticks slowly and I can just lay on back on the green pasture. Paradise on earth? Highly unlikely but somewhere close to paradise, there is always a possibility. Just like the one I found in Bintan, hopefully, I can find that place where I can settle down in peace, away from modern civilization. I will miss lots of things but you know, sometimes, you are can be so tired from city life up to a point that you just want to get away from it all for good. That time will come for me, one fine day, and I will bring my memories and mementos along to my dwelling place. Would I be lonely? Perhaps i might, but you can always visit me when you have the time. Then, I won't be so lonely, right? Otherwise, memories are enough to keep me alive and sane. Perhaps, what I just said is an elusive dream but deep down, I really wish I could at least experience it in my lifetime.

This post is inspired by "Five Loaves and Two Fishes" by Corrinne May.

Journey's End...

It is almost here, my time is nearly over and that will be my journey's end. So here I am contemplating on the past, thinking if I have done to the best of my abilities. I asked myself if I have been a leader or merely and blindly following orders from my superiors. So many questions I cannot answer but time will not wait. Soon the successors will replace the 'old guards' and our chapter will come to a close almost immediately. Am I prepared to let go? The truth is no matter what I try, I can never let go of the past.

Last year, I was given a job to do, a job that I never really wanted to have. And so I began to do my job to an extent that I would give up many things in order to do my job well. I have lost many things along the way. I lost my friends, my freedom and my feelings. My sense of duty was the root of all these losses. But now, when the time comes for me to be free from these chains, I felt that I want to remain this way. Regrets? No, I guess I was partly to blame, I did not savour the moments, I did not live life to its fullest. I have lost so many things and now I'm left with nothing but myself. I'm not trying to pity my current state, I just want to let myself know where I am today and how do I proceed from here on. My final moments, I want them to be meaningful just like it used to be "To finish what I started" so that at least when I leave, I shall bear no burden.

A friend of mine said that I should not think too much that it will only make one feels sad. Frankly speaking, I do feel some kind of despair as I write this entry but if feeling sad makes one stronger emotionally, then when sadness do occur, I would be able to guard my feelings, I won't feel so sad. Selfish thoughts perhaps? Maybe. Speaking of friends, I do not have plenty. Friends are just friends when you are happy, when you are sad. And in the end, you are left with nothing but yourself. Introvert, anti-social, individualistic? I guess I can live with people branding me as such because no one can be liked by everyone.

People want to be accepted, a form of seeking refuge from loneliness, but if your shelther is taken away, you are left with nothing and are likely to seek a new place for conformity. That is why, interdependence is such a powerful tool that binds us together so that it can conquer loneliness. We may not like each other but so long as you help me and I help you, we are alright. Sometimes, I do wonder, is being lonely that bad that it can drive one on the verge of insanity just like in the movie "Cast Away"?

Sigh, another bleak entry filled with random, sorrowful stuff. This always happens when I think too much, trying to explain the unexplainable. Maybe I should just stop thinking...

Sorry to ruin your perfectly beautiful day if you do have one before reading this.

Ladies, Step Up To Reality...

Don't ask me why I posted that picture up there. I have no valid reason for it, maybe a nice gimmick to me at the spur of that moment. And by the way, it was not taken in Singapore, last December when I went back to Indonesia in a shopping mall.

March holidays are over and it's 'wartime' again. Come to think of it, the holidays were not much of a relaxing period of time because of the exams when school reopens. Life is getting harder every passing year. When I looked back, I did not realize how fortunate I was when I was younger in secondary and primary school. Holidays were the time to explore the shopping malls all around Singapore from East to West, North to South. Windowshopping with my family was the ultimate 'eye-refresher' compared to staying cooped up at home. Ah, those were the days... Maybe that's the reason why I no longer go out often nowadays. Have seen enough malls that it became a bore. I will only go out if it is absolutely necessary and I have time on my side. Otherwise, sorry, I will not be available.

The other day, my mother gave me a lecture on 'how to find a good future wife'. It was one of those lecture series she compiled over her years of experience and analysis of the current society be it in Singapore or somewhere else. I really enjoyed her lectures because it was really motivating and made a lot of sense. The delivery was entertaining with jokes and several case study were presented. Now, that can be a reliable source if information. Nevermind what she told me because I am never going to disclose it anyway. But I think the main highlight is important and I will not mind sharing it. A good future wife has to be able to accept her spouse's family and work towards her goal in building the family's harmony and nourishing the future generations.

If you take a look at the society today, women have so many roles to play. As a mother, a wife, a breadwinner of the family and sometimes, a career ladder climber. I agree that women are better in multi-task arena compared to men. But this multi-task somehow leads to the uncertain role women have to prioritise. Think about it, multi-task equals division of time. Either to spend less time at work and spend more on family matters or vice versa. How successful a woman can manage her limited time when faced in situation like these? Most of the time, a woman, no matter how much she tries to hold on multi-tasking, she will burn out one day. When burnt out, work became a burden and family seems to be an obligation. Things get worse from here on and eventually, family is the usual victim who suffer the most.

Next problem. Just a question for the ladies out there. How many of you can cook and cook well to prepare a delicious meal for the family? Recent observations have shown that women in Singapore cannot cook well enough. Yes, they can prepare instant noodles, fry the egg, cook the rice, fry the chicken nuggets, boil water, cut the carrots and such. But prepare a meal? I don't think many can come up with different menus everyday. Most would just stick to cooking the usual stuff and humans being humans, get bored pretty easily thus, the desire to eat at home will soon degrade. Solution is simple, eat out at fast food outlet, hawker centre, foodcourt or posh restaurants that charge a 'bomb' when you foot the bill. Another fact, those households with extremely clean and tidy kitchen usually have women who cannot cook. Because they cannot cook, the kitchen is not used, only cleaned to wipe off the accumulating dusts. There is this translated Dutch saying, "The only way to make your husband happy is to fill stomach with delicious food that he can crave for more." Not being able to cook is not a sin but it certainly may not guarantee the husband's and children's happiness. Relate this to "A hungry man is an angry man." You will see that men get pretty upset when he finds out that there's no food on the table when he returns from work. Men can be a better chef compared to women but only their wives can make the best dishes these men (or chefs) like.

Next problem. There's this saying, "Once your husband steps out of the house, he is no longer your husband." What I mean is that men can be a different person when he's not at home and it is true most of the time. I can understand why some women hire private investigators to check on their husband. Trust between spouses is important. Lose that trust and you can throw away that wedding ring and forget vows you make. How to deal with this problem, well, the only solution is to quality spend time together more often. Some may find that romance dies off after marriage, so it is essential to relight that flame. It is not easy when you have kids watching you but simple gestures of affection will help maintain that trust. Some resort to 'doing things behind closed door' if you know what I mean. Health professionals said it contributes to a healthy husband-wife relationship and I agree to that statement to some extent. However, to ensure long term perfect marriage is to treasure those little things you do together as husband and wife. Warm conversation with jokes here and there, remembering wedding anniversary and going to places you dated before are just some of the things that can be cherished.

Well, enough said about all these. So Ladies, step up to reality, the popular trends and claims about women being good all doing many things at one time may not be necessarily beneficial after all. Some might have suceeded but in the end, women will eventually do want to have a loving family with her husband. This post has to end somewhere otherwise I can go on listing things that may contribute to the divorce rates in Singapore or perhaps the low birth rate based on the social aspects. Singapore's economic drive in some way can have caused these problems too but then again money can't buy happiness. Fortunately ot unfortunately, money can solve many things in life but happiness is another different ball game.

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." Take Singapore for example, there are plenty of shopping centres like Vivocity, Wisma Atria, Takashimaya and all but are we really happy when we have the purchasing power to buy all the things our heart desires? Humans are humans after all, seeking happiness in the wrong places when all they want is to have a good life fulfilled. I believe that harmony within family is the happiness we have been searching for. Family will not leave you behind when your friends do so. Family cherish you for who you are when others judge you. Family's happiness multiply while happiness in other things disappears when you desire another. Unfortunately, some of us may not have this kind of family. But you can make it happen when you start your own family, depending whether you have the courage to start anew with your very own ideals in life.

This post is inspired by "I've Got You Under My Skin" by Michael Buble.
This post is dedicated to my mother whose birthday falls recently.

It Will Always Be...

Over the past weekend, I have been doing some research on Final Fantasy Series (From Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Final Fantasy XII and supposedly the last installment, Final Fantasy XIII) and believe me, the results never fail to mesmerize me. Of all the games I have played, Final Fantasy is definitely the only one that impressed me most. One reason why I treasure it is because of the songs, ever so melodious and there is this indescribable feeling injected into the song by the singers and of course the well-known Final Fantasy composer, Nobuo Uematsu. His contribution to make Final Fantasy still popular today is beyond measure. Truly, he is as if the heart and soul of Final Fantasy. This song, "1000 words" from Final Fantasy X-2, composed by the man himself, simply grabs my attention when I listen to it. There is just so much feelings in the song that it overwhelms me to an extent that I have to keep on listening.

One fine day, I will purchase Playstation 2 and collect all the Final Fantasy Series on that platform. Call me nuts if you want but think about it, wouldn't you do the same if you want something that really change your lives or where you can find comfort in? And one more thing, I'm not a fanatic. There would never be a day when I'll dress up as one of the characters and appear in some 'cos-play party'. I just love Final Fantasy for the way it is presented and all the original works it offers. Somehow, it gives me the strength, drive, optimism, inspiration, comfort, peace and life which I can draw from throughout my days.

You know, alone on Valentine's Day and the boredom of Chinese New Year were not so bad with these songs ringing in my ears. At least, there is something I can do and appreciate just by listening intently and let the music flow through me. This day, I promise I will always cherish Final Fantasy songs... no matter the time, no matter the place and even if Final Fantasy became just a remnant or broken pieces of history in the future. It will always be a part of me...always...

For all who made Final Fantasy to what it is today, " Thank you and keep adding up the layers of harmony..."

"Sorry, But My Battery Is Flat..."

"Sorry, but my battery is flat." That was the most embarrassing excuse for a girl especially when you are meeting someone new who just wanted to be friends (sincerely or not) with you. That was what I said some years back when I was dragged along to meet my father's friend at his place. To pass time while the adults were having their own set of conversation, my brother and I were plonked down on a sofa with my father's friend's children. 2 girls, 1 boy. The elder of the 2 girls who was a year or two my junior was just trying to spark some friendly conversation to add us to her contact list and friendster. Well, obviously you knew what I said...

I remembered that night because it was something that I would not have said under normal circumstances. Perhaps some unexpected people at their house made me stand my ground, they were the group of girls who were having a sleepover when we came. But then again, it might not be a very good excuse. Maybe, it was something else, maybe at that time, I was not interested because my heart belonged to someone else. I also thought that such visit would not trigger any short or long term friendship so I was not too bothered with what I said, after all, it would take a miracle for us to meet again anyway.

But when end of December loomed, a miracle did happen. Karma, I figured, had fallen. It was planned that my family would go on a trip to Malaysia with that girl's family, with a few days stop-over in Singapore. I was shocked. What if she remembered what I said? How am I going to face her this time? So I decided to pretend that I have forgotten about her and start anew. But deep down, I was feeling rather uneasy. I felt I should have apologized when I had the chance.

So began my days as an escort, a tour guide and all during their 4 days stop-over. And of course the long anticipated Malaysia trip. I'm sorry but I'm not going to disclose the details of the trip. There were many things I'd rather keep to myself because they are my precious gems of memories. However, there is one thing that I feel necessary to write about. It was during our last day staying in Malaysia, right after the New Year's Celebration and all the fireworks. The four of us (myself, my brother, herself and her brother) got together at the hotel lobby trying to stay awake throughout the dawn. Why? Well, their flight back to Indonesia was in the early morning and they needed to leave the hotel around 4 am. And also, it was our last stay after all the joy we had, the laughters we shared, the photos we took together and much more. So we wanted it to be meaningful for it could be our last chance to see one another before our academic year began in January and our paths started to diverge.

We discussed many things that early morning. All our personal experiences were talked about, whether good or bad. It was rather a warm and mature conversation for young adults like the four of us. I thought this was what supposed to be years ago when we first met them at their place. I realized that we had so much in common and we were so gelled up together. Never in my family's history that all of us could get along fine with all the family members of another family. The time we spent during this few weeks bonded us that our friendship bloomed. And that night was the night we realized that it would all soon end. We knew we were going to miss their their companion. The good things in life never last...

I thought that it was the appropiate time I should confess that I still recall the incident of the flat battery. And I did. Well, just as I thought, she still remembered that incident but she was alright about it. We have shared so much in these few weeks that the past incident no longer matter. And so, we started anew, we exchanged contacts which was long overdue, which we should have done a long time ago. This was something like deja vu. You were put back in a position where you once were in the past. This time, we made the correct decision. There was something more significant actually. They were the first Indonesians who I build special friendship with ever since I came to Singapore 9 years ago.

Some might find this post ridiculous because humans can make friends easily with strangers. But for me, to spend the holidays in Malaysia and the New Year together as completely 2 different family under the same hotel roof and have our meals together, was something I have never experienced before. That dawn, all of us hoped for one thing, for us to meet again in the future, sitting with each other and to continue building the friendship that we started. Truly, "Sorry, but my battery is flat" was the very beginning of all these good things in life that never last.

This post is dedicated to Steph & family.
Thank you for your companion and friendship.

Sincerely, William.

Drifting In Its Melodies...

Looks like it is already December again. Time really flies, doesn't it? As you might have known, I have been back from my holidays about more than a week ago yet it took me this long to be writing again. Perhaps, what I wanted to say about my holidays have been adequately summarized my brother. If you want to take a look, here is his address. www.edmosphere.blogspot.com. You will find his way of writing very different from what I would have written but nevertheless, I guess there won't be much of a difference anyway.

Been occupied with my 'duties', participating in some events. We had a handicraft day and a pre-Christmas celebration recently. The former went well I think. Managing children can be tough. Now, I understand why my GP teacher said she would never want to be a kindergarten teacher. Even with my own experience managing primary school children, in this handicraft event, I was totally beaten hands down. Despite this, I think we have done what we could have done to make the event a success. That alone is a huge relief.

The latter event was messy but well done. I guess there is no way to prevent the 'messy' part especially when hundreds of people flocked into a regular-sized hall about three badminton courts in width and length. I was quite taken aback by the organizers of this event. Why? Because it seemed that I was pleased with what they came up with, after all, I had not been much of a help then. They bought the beautiful decorations, the cute prizes and all. To top it all, everyone was well occupied to attend to the massive number of visitors and guests. Maybe, this is what they call 'teamwork'. The aftermath, well, of course, we were exhausted and out of gas. But it has been fun.

A few months back, I have been feeling somewhat 'different'. Not because of the tiring events or busy schedule. I felt as if everyone should just let me drift away. I feel kind of bad that people try to include me when I'm the one who is excluding myself from them. Too introverted? Too unexpressive? Too cold? I don't know... I don't think there are people who can put up with what I have been going through. Maybe, I'm just used to being lonely. Or just used to having a few people around. Maybe, I cannot give the kind of friendship others provide. Maybe, I don't know how to love people enough. And so, I will eventually hurt them in small ways or another. So, I always keep my distance... even though I may like that person and want their company. Therefore, I think everyone should just let me drift away...with the songs and melodies ringing in my ears, in my deep thoughts so that they won't be hurt. Loneliness can be comforting and hurting at the same time, just like those songs I love listening to...

I had a friend who tried to cheer me up with her words of encouragement penned on a little slip of paper. She would have thought I have thrown it away but I still have it nicely folded and safe. I could not express it to her what I'm going through and I knew, it must have been hurtful to see someone who was once a friend, ignoring, not talking to each other again. If I recalled correctly, she sent me a message that she would still be a friend to me although we hardly talk. I recalled her 'smiley faces' drawn on my notes, the laughters we had, the days we were friends... Those days that I could never go back to. I don't think she will ever understand why I'm being this way. And I deeply regret that I won't be able to bring myself to being a friend I was once to her. I don't think I can ever say this straight in her face because it will hurt her even more. I guess this kind of friendship is difficult to understand. But it is alright, I will brave the storm even though I'm hurting inside too.

I guess the meaning of my name "protector", has something to do with what I'm experiencing. If my hurt can protect or keep those dear to me, then it is worth being hurt. Just like in my primary school years, there was once I ended up being hurt by many for the sake of a friend. I rather not talk about it though.

This song,"I Think I Love You" is one of those that gives me comfort and hurt too. And I'm drifting in it...so let me drift away...

Operation Dodo Bird...

Secluded from the age of modern civilization, a new dawn of war was looming as the sun began to set. Generals began to strategize. Liutenants began to gather the troops. Captains began to prepare their war speeches. It was no ordinary war, it was a war of survival. Staying alive was the main priority but in order to do so, one cannot simply sit back and defend the base. But our hands are our only weapons so many have to rethink on how to stay alive safe from enemy's clutches. I knew my choice. I have to advance, keep moving forward, even if I might fall later at least I will be remembered as a war hero. Of course, I would never think of moving forward recklessly. My tactic was called espionage also known as spy-infiltration.

So I started out with about 10 people in my squad. We set off at the siren's shrill hail in the middle of the night. Armed with torchlight, we paved our way to the grasslands. Enemy's fast approach made me seperate from the main squad. I decided to look for another way, advancing stealthily on nearby hill, undetected by the main opposition batalion. My other squad members will hold them out while we proceed to rescue our hostage. Alongside me, a female private and a sharpshooter. Our objective is to get our shooter to rescue the hostage but as we went deeper into enemy's territory we were caught. With our identities exposed, we had little chance to escape. In the end, my squad perished. Somehow, I survived the ambush and escaped notice fro mthe enemy's rear guard. I was close to the place where the hostage was being held. So, here comes my espionage mission. Act normally, turn off the torchlight and walk past the off limits. Once the enemy's rear guard is down, I pushed myself into the area where the hostage was held captive. At last, I was able to rescue our hostage, Elmo from the Sesame Street.

Alright, time to set things straight. I was in this mission called Operation Dodo Bird, a war game held for CCA leaders of ACJC. We were divided into 2 teams trying to outlast one another while completing several missions. They are rescuing our respective hostages Elmo and Spongebob Squarepants dolls, gathering 'Weapon of Mass Destruction' aka yellow lightsticks, planting the bomb aka alarm clock and many more, not forgetting annihilating oppositions' generals, captains and lieutenants. I was in the search and rescue team by the way. Anyway, let's get back to the war scenario.

Once Elmo was rescued, I was relieved that I had successfully completed the mission. It was time to help the others. Our common battleground was the open field. The frontmen of the 2 teams faced each other. My comrades shouted, "Hold your lines, hold your lines !! ". That was really, war-like atmosphere. War taunts included, "Broken Arrow", "Shogun" and "Cover the right flank". Actually Broken Arrow meant nothing, seriously. It was just blurted out to scare opposition to think that we have additional reinforcements.

It was not long before I was KIA, "Killed In Action", after holding my line on the right flank. My loop of masking tape on my back was torn apart by some guy. His brute force had me pinned down as I was trying to escape. Well, I 'died' and had to make my way to the cemetery. This cemetery is just a space where all the 'wandering ghosts' who died in battle had a common gathering. You bet, we asked how each of us 'died'. One 'died' after tumbling and rolling down, tearing his lifeline accidentally. One 'died' after his lifeline was snapped by a girl. By the way, this guy is my school's rugby captain who was 'killed' by the president of art society who is a girl. Last year, I heard, the rubgy captain was also 'killed' by a girl from choir. Bad luck being rugby captain I guess. Others 'died' due to what we called friendly fire, for those who play Counter Strike (...which I don't...), the term 'friendly fire' would sound very familiar. So, we, the ghosts had to kill time by discussing this things until the time ran out.

When the war ended, my Redforce Team, lost. We had our Elmo captured back and our enemy had our Spongebob. To make things worse, I heard my other search and rescue team defending the base where Spongebob was held captive was 'massacred'. One of our captain stationed there was 'killed' as well despite her well fought frantic escape. On the bright side we lost a lot less soldiers.

Then, there was this funny incident. Remember about 'holding the line area', well the right flank was weakened after I 'died' to the enemy kept pushing on the right while my comrades kept pushing on the left flank. So now, we have rotated 180 degrees, my comrades found themselves on enemy's territories and kind of panicked. The enemy decided to conquer our base after breaking the line. Our general and his body guards had to run for their lives. It was a real scramble. So, my comrades too decided to capture the enemy's general and rushed to break their base's defence line. No more holding the line, no more Broken Arrow, there was only mass scramble and mess. Despite all these running and fighting, we had fun.

Now, I knew the thrill of being part of the war itself. There was this adrenaline rush when your live was at stake. Your mind was always filled with fear of being 'killed' yet your instinct told you to survive at all cost. There was this sense of camaradiere and being brother-in-arms. It was simply exhilirating for me. I could relate this to the picture above.

It was like the Normandy Landing where the allied troops carried out an all out amphibious landing on French shoreline to fight the Germans who had occupied France. It was the greatest invasion in mankind history during World War 2. Many fell to Germans' big guns and artillery but the allied soldiers kept coming. Eventually, Germans used up their limited ammunition and gave up their position as their first line of defence from Great Britain (The English Channel), crumbled. It was a massive loss to the Germans, one of the key reason why Germans lost the war. This incident allowed the allies to attack Germany not only from the East (from Russia), South (from North Africa) but also from the West (from France) . The Germans were cornered with nowhere to escape.

Come to think of it the Normandy Landing looked like our position where we held our lines. Perhaps, our loss was coincidental with historical records.

If there was one thing I really loved about this leadership camp at Jalan Bahtera, it is definitely going to be the Operation Dodo Bird. No doubt it has cleared my doubts on why some people love being a part of a war. It was the thrill when you fired your weapons, the fear of dying, the thought of never being able to see your loved ones again, the sense of accomplishment when you conquer something and the fact that you would be remembered as a war hero if you fell protecting your home. It is so much clearer now. Perhaps war has a purpose compared to the boredom of peace. I am not saying I support war and prefer it than peace. I just feel that despite the gore and painful memories of war, Man may find the reason for their existence in a war. It gives them a goal to set on, to accomplish something great but at a huge cost by altering the peace.

War was never a destiny, it was a choice we make. But sometimes, we should ask ourselves, why we fight and go to war. Perhaps it is our nature to fight. We, humans, fight for our survival everyday. We work to earn more money than the rest because of our nature to survive. And to be frank, fortunately or unfortuntely, money can solve most things on Earth. So I hope, this post has given you some insights on war...

Homebound...

I decided to leave out September for studying so yeah, there goes the missing September archive. September month was not a pleasant one. Stress, acne problem, fatigue, brain drain and time constraints. The list went on further but I guess you know what followed after. But September is gone and past. October arrived faster than I had anticipated. Talk about October, I had always wanted to go to Germany during October. There is some kind of festival called Octoberfest where men and women, go out to have good jugs of beer and hearty meals. I would never walk away from good food where I can feast on one-of-a-kind delicacies at reasonable prices that is.

Currently, feeling bored because my mother is not around. She went overseas but would be back soon. Home alone with my brother, well not the first time this happens. What to do, what to do but to explore parts of Singapore when I'm free. Recently went to Vivocity to have some eye-washing and window shopping because I'm broke. It was like a war zone in there. People swarming in and out, long queues, traffic jams and it was just a matter of time before I'm finally feeling deprived of space and oxygen. Crowded places is fine but when it's overcrowded, I think I'll just pass out next time round. I did have some good eye-washing but it did not really impress me. I have seen better malls, larger ones, more glamourous ones and those which could awe me. One day is not enough to explore one such mall. Vivocity may look modern and stylish but I guess it won't be in my list of top shopping centres due to its narrow walkways on the upper floors.

November looms near and I think I'll be homebound soon. Unsure of exact date, I can only hope I'll not miss on PSL camp, that is if my juniors allow me to come. After all, they are the bosses now and me, just an ex-employee of the company. Purpose of coming down? To have fun...not really. To help out...maybe, if that is necessary. To mingle and socialize a bit with my juniors...could be one of the reason. To benefit something from the camp...possibly, I have definitely gained one or two things from previous camps. To keep me alive...exactly. At least there are things to do rather than rot being potato couch all day long or playing computer games till I get butt cramps. Do inform me if you know the dates alright?

But there are still duties to be done. I cannot just leave. I'll always have some unfinished business to attend to because it's a responsibility. I may have to wait for the right time to have my holiday. There are things I look forward in my trip, good food, cheap prices, some company that friends cannot offer, co-owning my cousin's dog, quality family and relatives time, learning how to drive if possible and watching dvds such as the epic Lord of The Rings trilogy, the Star Wars saga or the Matrix series. Quite common or some may say I'm outdated but hey, I love my old toys and I will continue using them when everyone else threw them away in the dumps due to forces of insatiable consumerism. Humans need to learn to keep their old toys in good conditions, who knows we may need them in the future. Most importantly, it saves money and reduces the amount of garbage we throw. Singapore's landfill will not be able to accomodate the rate we throw our garbage plus incinerating them will worsen the haze problem.

On a more serious note, my break away from Singapore will help me forget the unpleasant things I have been facing. Even if it is only temporary, at the very least I can be a happier person when I'm far away from the source of 'unpleasant things'. I may be able to find inner peace again when I'm around my family and relatives. I may be able to visit places that exist in my memories, those that may have been eroded by time. I may be refreshed from lethargy of JC life. I may be more relaxed and escape from the fast pace of change and modernization in Singapore. Soon enough, I'll be homebound...

Inspired by "Over My Head" by "The Fray".

The Long Awaited Return...

Finally, I stepped foot on the front gates of my dream school once again. The place where I have left many pondering why have turned away from my dream. The place that welcomed me warmly despite my abrupt decision to leave several months ago. The place which still gave me that sense of belonging, that auditorium that had me gasped when I saw its sheer size for the first time. The place whose greenery could always be an escapade for momentary relaxation. The place that had me entrenched in its roots, its spirit, its passion, purpose and drive. It is no wonder why for some like myself still believed that once a TJcian, always a TJcian at heart.

I went alone that fine evening and for some selfish reasons, I thought that I could find answers there. I went past the well kept college grounds, the familiar looking corridors, the very pillars that supported the college all these years and of course, before long, those faces I had once recognized smiled from afar and made me feel at home like once it used to be. It was very prominent for me to get the attention from the 'natives', having worn a rather unfamiliar dress code from the rest. But my intention was not to create a buzz back there, it was more of a long awaited return I have longed for, a reunion perhaps. And as it turned out to be, I managed to get what I came for.

It was then I knew, I have just found an answer to all my doubts and disappointments. I felt lifted up, more spirited, rejuvenated as one might say. To be present among those I have not kept in touch with certainly relived my past. And so, I sat down on one of those grey seats, grinning and brimming with pride as I looked around the auditorium, thinking to myself that this place has not changed one bit. It simply brought back fond memories. The event soon began and everyone sat still in attention. To cut short the event details which I intended to use them for a keepsake and memento, I'm just going to share the last part of the whole event. Before the event ended, the audience stood up with heads up high. I too followed suit. But this time, I decided to put in that extra mile. To be once again singing the college anthem restored my wounded spirit, lifted my burdens, rid me of my fears and most importantly, gave me something to be proud of.

I'm proud of my friends who stood by me, who acknowledged my contributions, who would not forsake me. The least I could do was to stand alongside them, acknowledge thier achievements and not forsake them in return. It was here that I realized that truly, I'm still a TJcian at heart even though having spent only 3 months there. All because I believed in the college; 'Passion, Purpose, Drive'.

If you ask me if I have regrets not staying put back then, I would say no. Because the fact that I was back to where I previously belong to, has already broken the chains of regrets that only the chariots of fire fuelled and uplifted my sunken spirit. No longer adrift, because now, I have a direction to go, I know where I want to be, I know who to place my trust in, I know for sure that I'm on the right track, I know victory awaits because only by being steadfast and valiant to duty true, I'm living a life worth living for and therefore I exist for that very purpose. My return to Temasek Junior College has been a fruitful, meaningful and purposeful one. For that, I thank you, my friends. Thank you for giving me the healing, friendship and warmth that I need in these desperate times...

(in chronological order) I hope I did not miss out anyone...
Dedicated to Soo Hui, Xue Ting, Sherlyn, Shahidah, Farha, Hayden, Michelle, Xingling, Hui Yan, Yik Ka, Chuan Li, Hanling, Si Jing, Yan Shan and Ilyana. Not forgetting Florence though you were not present back then because Xingling reminded me about you.

Inspired by "Better Man" by Robbie Williams.

I Only Have Myself To Rely On...

Some may have noticed why I have not posted for so long. There is a reason why I have waited for this time to write this post. For the past few weeks I have managed to get away from people, just to be alone for a while as I feel the need to. Why? Well, it is because I sometimes feel insecure being around people. I find peace without company and by just taking my time to contemplate helps me to reflect. During this time, I began to observe people around me, as I imagine myself being invisible in front of them. Just by observing the trivial things, I have learnt to open my eyes on issues such as ignorance, betrayal, pride, love, desperation, loyalty, angst and joy. So, I took the initiative to just be quiet to listen to what people say and observe their every move. I did all these to prepare myself for 'this day'.

I realized that I'm doing this to search my inner self. I thought that by 'vanishing', I could make people unaware of my absence. I thought that by being 'mute', I could listen as people reveal their usual self that I tend to ignore. So basically, I was trying to make people forget that I wasn't there all along, that I was invisible, that I was non-existent. You may wonder why? Well, it is something I cannot describe till you decide to give up the feeling of security being noticed by those around you. But one thing I can say through this, it takes great courage to give up conformity to find peace and tranquility in solitude.

It so happen to me that 19 years of living allow me to see the finer details of life. All the good and bad things I encounter every single day. People always say that we have to live interdependently, that no individual can survive by himself. Personally, reliance is a form of complacency but an important factor of trust. However, many only understand the latter more than the former. Thus far, I have relied on myself as best as I could have done. So, when people try to make me feel better when I am feeling down, or when people organize some surprises for me, I feel that I have indirectly relied on them to lift my spirits high. I do feel as if I owe them something for giving me that extra concern and appreciation. Perhaps, that is why I do not look forward to 'this day' while others celebrate it with so much happiness.

Strange as you may call me, it is one of those things that makes people like me and you, different. You look at one angle whilst I look at the other. You define loneliness in a negative light while I make use of it to re-evaluate my very existence. I just have one question for you, "How do you prove we exist?..Maybe we don't exist." Before you answer this question, ponder on every word and come up with a complex, matured explanation.

Just one note as I end this entry, "I only have myself to rely on..."

White, Grey, Black...

Finally, it is complete. The 3 colours that represent the transition of every peer support leader. White. Grey. Black. Upon the end of 2006 Primary 5 camp held at my secondary school, I realized that the very symbols accustomed to each support leader’s evolution are these colours on their T-shirts.

White – bearing the colour of a new beginning of this leadership journey. The very basic and plain colour most should have. In the past, as I don this colour, I experienced something different. The kind of exposure I have never thought I would find by joining this leadership group. It represents my first encounter with my strength and weaknesses of being a leader. Often, I found myself fragile towards criticisms and I have no choice but to accept it.

Grey – bearing the colour of a buffer zone. The point of time when commitment was being questioned. For many, this colour is an exception because they have already chosen their path, to give their all for their newly-found family. But for me, I endured much questions that I, myself created. I find myself asking whether I was good enough to be part of this group. Kept wondering how I got this far and whether I could go on to live up to PSL. Kept searching for my place and role to play in order to not be branded as ‘inactive’ which I eventually overcome, knowing that every little thing I did for PSL would never be a waste, every single things counts, no matter how insignificant. This is also the time when a well-affirmed decision could transform one cocoon into a butterfly. Metamorphosis as one may call it.

Black – bearing the colour of professionalism. The peak of one’s experience is being tested. This is the time where one finds himself realizing why he was part of this family and truly present himself to be the best he can give. For some, the joy of being a PSL was so memorable that he could not bring himself to ignore the good old times that he would do anything to contribute his services for the betterment of the group. For others, it may represent the colour of succession and farewell. But one thing remains unchanged as one puts on this colour, there will be no regrets for having completed this extraordinary journey one could ever get once in his lifetime.

Maybe Caroline was right after all, there are memories so memorable that one will never let go of because it involves who you are, the things you never want to lose. I don’t want to forget the things I have been through all these while, I just can’t seem to willingly let go of my past, being a member of PSL family. Perhaps, I was etched from the start and naturally, I made my decision to come for this camp just to relive those days, those memories that seemed so distant but by being involved in it, simply heartwarming.

The one thing that really moved me was how my previously sec 2 juniors have become today, especially from Proj-teen. I could see they are more united, more bonded, heart and mind alike. I guess the essence of a committee’s success lies on how its members see and feel for one another. Truly, I felt happy for them because they have something that will guarantee the success of their future endeavours. Many words I have left unspoken because I wanted it to be written down like this. I hope with these few words, I could reach out to them.

Next, about the current sec 2 juniors whose names I could recall well not entirely but I managed to memorize them by the end of the 4 days. In random order: Shi Qi, Sarah, Nabilah, Amy, Jeffrey, Sofyan, Jasmine, Hilmi, Dillon, Sze Man, Ming Yang, Edward, Yu Xian, Theresa, Sabilah, Nurhanis, Samuel, Munirah, Atiqah and that is as far I can go, my apologies if I missed out some names. My only hope would be to see you guys be leaders that excel beyond what you think you limit yourselves to. The time will come when you finally realize that PSL is not just about fun and games but also sincere dedication, tireless efforts, service learning, a different breed of leaders from councillors and all about the appreciation of being PSL yourselves. Perhaps, this appreciation too drove me to write this post.

For the executive committee, it was pleasant to see you guys grow and bloom. Indeed, we were not wrong to bring you aboard on captain’s wheel. Overall, magnificent performance, I would have given you a standing ovation if necessary. I found Aleem’s lunch oath very interesting and unique, Anthony’s bumble bee and shark attack hilarious, Xinyi’s enthusiasm never ends till she finally lost her voice, James’ spontaneity and antics amusing and it mirrors himself, Huiwen’s achievement to overcome her once-lost sense of belonging worth applauding for, Khaizal’s background support worth mentioning which contribute to the camp’s success, Ruo Ning’s determination to give all she’s got even at the expense of some personal problems with her brother caused be by the camp worth noticing, Nikita’s absence regrettable, Michele’s efforts for the camp very heartwarming and not forgetting Anand’s competence that simply exemplary. No matter how different you guys are, to me you are all important and worthy to don that meaningful navy-blue blazer next year. And remember that PSL have given you much and when the time comes, you will have to make a choice whether to give back something for PSL. The choice is yours alone.

My role has come to fade away, eroded by time and distance but my heart will always beat the PSL spirit… - William

Inspired by “Home” by Michael Buble.

Operation Handover...

The Law of Nature states that only the fittest survive, the idle and weak perish. The fast shall escape while the slow shall be caught in the predators’ claws. The mighty shall conquer while the powerless shall bow before the former. This is how life works for humans and other living creatures alike. A boyhood friend of mine recently became a victim of the Law of Nature in terms of relationship. He shared his heart-breaking tale with me when his girlfriend went after someone much more superior, much more good looking, much more intelligent, much more athletic, much more affluent, much more of everything than what he has. All I could give was a word of consolation so that he would move on; after all, he only has himself to depend on. You cannot always rely on other party for assurance that they will stick by you especially when something better arises. This is what human nature is all about.

When I reflected on this again, I realized that perhaps greed is the driving force of our very existence. We always wanted the best in everything. We want better crops to harvest the highest yield; we want to be more affluent to satisfy what our heart desires. Human is never content with others, his surroundings and most importantly, himself. And this is how life works for you and for me. Nobody can defy this fact because we are built in such a mechanism to desire more and more. Many whom I have spoken to relate greed as a necessary evil that indeed has saved us from extinction eons ago. And today, we are still driven by it to accomplish our goals, our dreams and our passion.

Sigh, enough talk about all these negativities, it just sounds so demoralizing. But always keep in mind that all these are true and cannot be totally ignored. We just need to adjust ourselves, leaning towards contentment in some other ways, in order to escape from this dark side of ours.

The coming weeks look promising with the primary 5 camp back at Temasek Secondary, the world cup, Chelsea’s signing of world class footballers, Singapore Idol 2 showcase, CCA and not forgetting the term examinations when school reopens. Time really flies, I wonder if the working world moves at a faster speed than now. If that is so, then it is worrying because we have to keep running so that we won’t fall behind. And the only way out is when after all we have done to catch up; age begins to slow us down. Then comes the unpredictable future, throwing all sorts of challenges, barriers we have to overcome, pleasant or unpleasant surprises and at times, miracles or dreams we long for.

As I reflect again, I felt I have been too much involved in this ‘mission’. One which I would call Operation Handover. There are thousands of uncertainties I have to face alone like “will I be able to lead this squadron to victory?”, “will this mission ends up with casualties?”, “can my brother-in-arms work together?” or “at the end of the day, will what I have executed be worthwhile to not only my squadron but also my other comrades?” Being the captain of a band of soldiers is never an easy road. A wrong decision might unintentionally kill the comrade next to him and the whole mission will be in jeopardy. Regrets are the worst form of feeling a leader can think of. I just hope this Operation and the following events bound to come leave no scars of regret etched in my comrades’ memories and mine as well.

Inspired by “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox 20.

Their Unconditional Love...

Everyday, all of us meet people of different faces but how many of us will stop and take a closer look at those around us and ponder why these faces are shown before our very eyes. Today, I met someone special in his own ways. Somehow, when I looked at him, there was a sudden urge for me to observe him in greater detail. Well clad in red t-shirt and a pair of jeans, he looked as if he was an ordinary child. Then, I noticed the small yellow hand towel he held in his right hand. It appeared to me that he could not control his right hand. It kept shaking and vibrating uncontrollably. His short attention span caught my eyes as he perpetually looked restless. His eyes swept from corner to corner as if he was trapped in a different world. It did not take me a minute to realize that this child is autistic. His out-of-the-norm façade confirmed my suspicion.

Standing beside him were his parents. His father was not too concerned with the stares he received by the other commuters. He maintained his cool and stood proudly despite the fact that his son was rather making a nuisance by grabbing his leg. His mother would then pull him gently and treated him as if he could understand every word she said. By this time, his father finally decided to step in. He lowered himself to the boy’s height and lovingly comforted his son. The boy mumbled a few words and hugged him. His father’s reply was to pick him up and let him warp his arms around him and he rested his head on his father’s shoulder. He would then smile at his wife and she too complied.

It was then I realized how much parent loved their child. It must not have been easy to raise a child with autism especially when the society regarded this group of people as outcasts. They could just abort the child when he was an infant to avoid such embarrassment instead, they decided to choose otherwise. This just showed how much they treasure the gift of life even though it was not meant to be a normal child. Furthermore, the very act of affection both of them displayed underlined their desire to accept the way things are and make the best out of it by loving an imperfect person perfectly. Indeed, parents’ love is an unconditional one.

I carved a smile as I watched them from a distance. And it triggered me to express my innermost human feelings, sympathy. The feeling is hard to describe, it is a mixture of melancholy and of peace. How much I wished I could walk to them and said ‘hi’ to their son. It would then a make a difference in their lives. Having been exposed to such sights, it allowed me to appreciate what I have, a decent life, an ordinary life, a normal life that children like them would have wished for.

Inspired by “Because You Live” by Jesse McCartney.

The Misadventures at ACJC...

(front row) : Martin, Wilson, Nabilah.
(middle row) : Lysia, Safiqah, Joy, Faith, Xiao Shi.
(back row) : Adlin, Benjamin, Amy.

It has been quite some time since I have been posted to ACJC and I have been busy ever since. Sincere apologies for those readers out there who want to be updated. Anyway, I am content to say that this college is a vibrant one, all thanks to my classmates whose personalities are so colourful that I am never bored just by listening and talking to them. There are always smiles and laughters as we discuss almost anything under the sun and everything else underground.

If I recalled correctly, during the first few week, my class came up with a popular term called 'scandalous'. I did not know how it all started or who came up with it, it just happened so fast and so infectious as well. There was one occasion where as a class, we asked one another about boy-girl relationship and about who likes who. This is the first time the class was so enthusiastically matchmake people who made up the class. And this went on till today. Nevertheless, I think this allowed us to bond after all about half of the class is from the second intake. Coming to a suprising fact, I was the only guy from the second intake that got into this class.

So anyway, on the 7th April, the class went for The Tempest, a play produced by the ACSian Theatre. We took some photos, bought flowers for Amy who performed in the play and took a video during the interval. Playful, cheerful and full of laughters, that is all I can say about the video footage, starring the names of people mentioned above. Maybe, I should take video more often so that I can relive those sweet memories.

The misadventures at ACJC is not over yet, it is only the beginning and hopefully, it is going to be an illustrious 2 years in this fine institution where there is one particular school rule that amuse me at times, "Let the light pass between you and your 'friend'. No holding hands within the college compound unless the situation forces you to do so."

I would like to end this entry with a poem.

His hardest hue to hold,
in transition; he must be bold,
no matter how hot or cold,
some things are better untold.

'cause as one get old,
the future begins to unfold,
to whom it may be sold,
some things may just turn to gold.

Inspired by "Queen of My Heart" by Westlife.

One Last Tribute...

It is good to have everyone in the snapshot. And I'm glad to be part of it...
There is no word to describe my feelings when I got this photo because it just worth so much to me ...

Something About Them...

in alphabetical order : adeline, bidina, esther, hayden, jin hui, jocelyn, keith, michelle, samuel, sherlyn and yik ka.

Think fun, sun and sands. There is no place in Singapore best describe them other than East Coast Park. 14th March 2006, marked the day that we, as part of the original CG 08/06, simply was out to have some fun from the busy life in junior college bound to come in the coming week.

Some things we did to entertain ourselves were playing soccer, strolling along the beach, having mini picnic, joking around, charades, playing murderer, telling jokes, cycling and many more. Through these activities, we managed to bond, to get to know others, to find the meaning of friendship even though some of us are no longer in the same college. From an individual point of view, this maybe just an ordinary outing but to me, it could be the first and the last time we could meet up and just frolic despite the passing time.

I am glad to be part of this CG, surrounded by people with different yet colorful personalities even though I just barely knew them for less than 3 months. There is something about these people that really make a difference in my life. Maybe, I just discovered where my teenage years truly began. It was not when I turned thirteen but when I met these people whose pace are no different than mine. The beauty and fulfillment of a youth does not lie within being part of the group but through opening up, mutual respect, sharing and bonding for the purpose to have a small yet supportive friends.

If I were to choose between being famous and popular or having a posse, I would rather choose the latter. One can have many followers or fans but not necessarily a group of people who speak with the same tone out of genuine feelings. So, these are some of the friends that I found from early this year. Small in number but strong in spirit and young at heart. These are the people who I may never see again after having spent this short day together and I will definitely miss them all, their wacky antics, their broad smiles, their heartfelt efforts, their footsteps in my heart. Thank you for the smiles once again for one day, I may never be able to see those cheerful, heartwarming curves on your faces for the second time.

Inspired by "Something About You" by "Five For Fighting".

The Successors...

It is almost time for elections again. This time, it is going to be second group of juniors during my former days of a peer support leader. They now have the power to elect from the current executive members to lead the organization and bring them to a new level. This renewal is a form of succession from the previous generation to the next which I find to be the turning point of lives for those who are deserving of filling the posts previously held by some of the best leaders. This change is inevitable and necessary, no matter from which angle you look at it, it has to be carried out.

Here, we have quite a number of candidates who can be called prospective successors. (in random order)

1) Michele
2) Nikita
3) Aleem
4) Xinyi
5) Hui Wen
6) Anand
7) Anthony
8) James
9) Khaizal
10) Ruo Ning

Each of them possesses different strengths which I think they have displayed quite clearly during my batch's reign. My personal opinion of them shall be kept confidential so as not to affect the readers opinion on these candidates. So, for now, I am just going to predict the outcome though I know the reality may prove otherwise.

Chairman: Michele
Vice Chairman 1: Anand
Vice Chairman 2: James
Secretary: Hui Wen
Treasurer: Xinyi
Training Com Head: Ruo Ning
CIP Com Head: Aleem
Proj-teen Head: Nikita
Member 1: Khaizal
Member 2: Anthony

These are just predictions which I can foresee. However, you, as readers should not be influenced by this set of tentative data. Voters are encouraged to stick to your decision on the day of the election itself.

Another group that will be elected will be the Sec 2 PSL executive members. Because I do not know them well enough, I shall not include them in this post. Nevertheless, I wish them all the best.

Just a note of reminder for successful candidates, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Lead by example, be role models and most importantly, be yourself. Be a Peer Support Leader.